Teen Poetry #5 |
![]() ![]() |
Giving Up? |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
jaded Junior Member
since 2001-07-24
Posts 20 |
NUMB (time to quit) ====================================== i've heard this song a million times, yet cant recall a single word, in a crowded room with a microphone, yet nothing can be heard. sinking deeper, heavy chains, skys wont seem so blue again, no rope or branch of hope to grasp, this breath might just become my last. admit defeat, just give it up, the light has gone, the door slammed shut, a valley which once seemed so green, was nothing more than just a dream. give half a chance that i could fly, a spark would come back in my eye, until that life i wait and pray, my body's dead, and life is gone. |
||
© Copyright 2001 jaded - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA![]() ![]()
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Welcome to the Teen Forum! ![]() ![]() |
||
Raven Skye Member
since 2001-03-03
Posts 112.In a House. |
Welcome Welcome, I'm Raven. Stick around for a while. This poem is great. I'm looking forward to seeing more ![]() *×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×* |
||
Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I agree- The poem was absolutely awesome. The 3rd stanza was my fav. Hop to see more soon. ![]() |
||
jaded Junior Member
since 2001-07-24
Posts 20 |
heya, i like this place ![]() thanks very much, simon |
||
mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
I liked this one... it flowed really nicely. I also really liked how in the first stanza you made the first and second lines contrast each other, and same with the third and fourth. However this one was my favorite stanz: sinking deeper, heavy chains, skys wont seem so blue again, no rope or branch of hope to grasp, this breath might just become my last. well done on this piece. Keep writing. |
||
DarkenedShadow Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114Kansas |
Now this is how I like to see the feelings fow from a persons mind to the pencil, amazing... good job and hello to you. /Nick/ |
||
Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this one. Welcome to the teen forum jaded. Hope to see more of your work. ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Nicely done, Jaded! I enjoyed this. Welcome to Teen. I hope to see more posts and replies from you soon ![]() --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
||
![]() ![]() |
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |