Once a Love (Collaboration w/ Jessica)

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Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2001-07-23 10:47 PM

Once a love,
Never to end,
Alone and scared,
Deep within

Once a love,
Only love true,
Shattered hearts,
Anger’s cause due

Once a love,
Forgotten pain,
Startling recoveries,
I can only gain.

Once a love,
To let heal,
To start again
And let old wounds seal.

You came along,
My heart was screaming,
I couldn't love again,
But your smile was gleaming.

I knew you were the one,
The moment my eyes met yours
I was still afraid,
But opened up my heart’s still doors.

The look in your eyes,
Showed your deep fear,
Wanting to hide,
But I knew when I spoke, you’d hear.

So I heard you tell your tale
And found it so like mine
I knew that this would turn out right,
That night beneath the starshine.

--------------
I simply love this one. Can you guys tell who wrote which parts? Big thanks goes out to Jessica #2 for her help on making this one possible. *hugs*

"Love, like the Rose, is desired. And like the Rose, Love has its thorns." - Unknown

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-24 12:19 PM

My critique...Though I might be wrong.
"But opened up my heart’s still doors." Still should be steel? Perhaps not....ANYWAY.

The 2 of you work WONDERS together. This was incredibly wonderful. I absolutely loved it.The ending wasmy fav. So sweet. you 2 should be very proud of htis. I hope you work together more.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2001-07-24 08:55 AM

very nice work you two

this is great

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

3 posted 2001-07-25 03:09 PM

You 2 did a great job on this one, isnt collborating a lot of fun? Yes it is

The poem was solid, and the words were great, my only complaint would be that the flow of the poem became uneven at some random points, and then started back up with the same rythme scheme..
Overall...
great work!!
You should do some more!!

~Jeff~

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

4 posted 2001-07-25 03:57 PM

Hey now this was really awesome, I like you two as a team. It fits I propose to see more beacuse the feeling just seems to become stronger. /nick/

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-07-25 05:36 PM

You two did really great. I liked the poem, and I still find that "Jessica#2" bit hilarious. Anyhow, great job!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-07-30 12:10 PM

This collaboration was very well done! I'm going to guess that Adam wrote the first half, and Jessica finished it? I may be wrong

The flow went very well throughout, and the emotions were awesome. Nicely done, you too. I really enjoyed this!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

7 posted 2001-07-30 12:37 PM

Very close Marie - you are on the right track but not quite there.

And thanks for all of your replies. I think we make a great team also...

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

Love you, Adam!! :)

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