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Teen Poetry #5
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No Way Out
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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No Way Out |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL 
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The heart bleeds When the soul cries Darkness laughs When the spirit dies Minds whirl Through places unknown Emotions twist In ways not shown Help lost beings Stand up and shout Wait... There's no way out What don't kill you can only make you stronger... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jessica Langford - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Woo....nice one. Kinda gives a creepy feel to it. This one's going to my library. Thanks for the nice read. -Kosetsu "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." - Shakespeare |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
BTW..as I said reply to one of your replies to one of my posts, I live a half-hour drive from Dothan, Alabama. You? -Kosetsu "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." - Shakespeare |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
I live in a small town called Brewton... I don't think it's that far from Dothan.  What don't kill you can only make you stronger... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was very well written. I liked the short lines... and the little rhyme scheme you had going did wonders for the flow. I liked this... short, yet powerful. I liked those types of poems. Although I thought the ending was weak. Maybe you could add on to this? GO farther... end it later. Nicely done. I enjoyed this one --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
This was really good. I have to agree with Marie when she said you should go further with it. I think it would be even better! Thanks for sharing. ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I personally liked the ending. I agree w/ Kosetsu...Kinda gave a creepy feeling. This flowed wonderfully. Nice work here, Jess #2 |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Dark and very nice. Nothing but honesty in this. There is no way out and darkness does laugh when the soul dies. I really enjoyed this. Short but sweet. Keep 'em coming, Jess. ~AF~ Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. |
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Dylan Poe Junior Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 13Illinois, USA |
" Blindly flailing at futility, Darqueness overcomes with a scythe. " - The Darque Poet Loved the darkness here. Futility is powerful. Dylan  If life's a stage |
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DarkenedShadow Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114Kansas |
Keepin it clear and nice aren't ya? The darkness was an excellent choice for this, I belive I should see more, but that of course is just a thought of mine.... /Nick/ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this poem cept for that one verse being "wait" and that's it. I mean, it did add an effect but it completely threw off the flow that you originally established. Anyhow, poetry is not only about flow and the like.....it IS about effect and how you wanted it to be portrayed and that one worded verse did bring a lot of feeling out. I thought you did well..... Good job here.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
Really really liked the ending, actually the whole thing was really good... but the end really got me! great read, thankz, ALLIE |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is written very well Jess The pause at wait added to the drama You did really good I'm very impressed Thanks for sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i enjoyed reading this one jesa!...its short but very nicely done!  thakns for the read! Piece you life together and you WILL find holes. |
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