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Teen Poetry #5
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Lovefool
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Lovefool |
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a.k.a.maLa Junior Member
since 2001-06-08
Posts 15Florida, USA |
Why won't you listen to my cries? Why won't you listen to my screams? You once said that you love me Now you've left me with broken dreams Was it too much for you to give in? It's so much easy for you to ignore Since you've crucified my innocence And made my life tug-of-war Have I murdered your inspiration? Is that why you won't speak? You continually crumble my esteem Until I'm silenced, broken and weak You have silenced my mind and body But you cannot silence this soul I will always crave the drug you give I will always be your lovefool |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jenna - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
a good show of emotions here  I like this |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was great. filled with emotion. keep up the effort. Regina |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Jenna I really liked the scheme you had going here. It flowed wonderfully. As already stated- the poem was filled with emotion. Just so much power! I really enjoyed this piece. Wonderful write! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Lots of emotion! I enjoyed this. The only thing I would suggest is changing around the last rhyme in the last stanza. I think the ending is the most important part to a poem... "soul" and "fool" don't rhyme.. maybe you could change that around to fit better. Also, the ending in general was weak. The poem as a whole was strong wth emotion, but the ending wasn't. JMHO. A few suggestions to think about I enjoyed this, though. And look forward to reading more posts and replies from you, hopefully soon. Nice work. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
I thought this one was good..it hit home with me. It had alot of hurt and emotion in it..both were expressed well. Thanks for sharing ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done here. I enjoyed the poem. Nicely ended, great job!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
Wow!! that was a really strong post... I understand what you mean, the last line realy caught me... "lovefool" was such a good way to sum it all up... I only hope things turn out better, ALLIE |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
never let anyone play with your feelings like that hope things are better now for you, knowing that I'm late in readng this piece good luck in the future and keep sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
I agree with acire, NEVER let someone toy with you like that, keep pride in yourself. Nice poem though. I hope things are better or getting better. Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually). |
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