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Teen Poetry #5
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Torn Asunder
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Torn Asunder |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
By these contemplations, Ripped apart By these complications, Misconfided By the undulations, Of these waves of change. I’m torn asunder By these frustrations, Torn in half By these connotations, Disunited By the odd translations, Of these tales of woe. I’m torn asunder, By these obstenations, Cut to shreds By these innovations, And Divided By the endless nations, Of these cries of war. ---------------------- I'm not sure how I feel about this one...I kinda like it, but at the same time, I don't like it. What do you guys think? "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." - Shakespeare [This message has been edited by Kosetsu (edited 07-19-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Actually Adam I really liked this. Though if I had to pick something to gripe about I would say change "Torn in half" to "ripped in half" or something...Because you have "*Torn* Asunder" right above it... Ya know? Ya well...Just my thought. (Which should be a big clue right there to just disregard it. haha) Anyway, Like I said- I enjoyed it bunches. I get what you are saying. Nice write Kosetsu.  |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
I liked this one a lot. Lots of big words... lol It was a great affect how everything pretty much rhymed together... It was quite strong, I enjoyed reading this piece. - Cody - |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this one a lot! i thought it was really great. The ryhme and flow was quite nice.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
Really nice poem. Liked the flow of it... good read, i just need a dictionary! lol ALLIE |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Eh...guess that settles it. Its a good one then. Thanks for all the comments people. And allie..I know what you mean. I had to use one a -lot- to find things that rhymed with -ations. heh -Kosetsu "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." - Shakespeare |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
There's no "I guess" about it! THis is awesome, Adam! I loved it. It's very well written.. the short lines were PERFECT for the style of the poem, and the flow was awesome. I really liked the way you repeated similar lines... that worked out well! Very nicely done. I really enjoyed this. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 07-19-2001).] |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Eh..ok...dun hurt me. I'm convinced now that this one is good. Happy? I re-read through it a few times this afternoon (I had the day off from work, and was bored, so I re-read a bunch o' my work), and it kinda grew on me. -Kosetsu P.S. I've been updating my site recently, so if any of you view it once in a while, look for a few new drawings, and the debut of my new novel (none of which I ever seem to finish), The Necromancer's Bookcase. You can see the first 2 chapters of that story in the Passions in Prose section of these forums. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." - Shakespeare |
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