gone forever - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2001-07-18 06:32 AM

hey hey ppl i am back, i was in chicago before :-) eh i wrote this in the car, sort of in my head, sort of on paper. be honest with ur thoughts, dunno if i like it or not but oh well, ya know? see ya.-fear-

if loving you is wrong
then i don't know what to do
cause i can't help the way i feel
and i know that i need you

everyday you are the one
that i think of just for fun
and i know that i would die
if you ever left my side

perhaps i am obsessed
but is that such a crime?
to know that someone loves you
is the best feeling of all time

you're constantly on my mind
and you help me to unwind
your voice is always in my head
why can't i realize that you are dead?

but you left me long ago
on one white day full of snow
hit by a man who was far to drunk
to opperate his 1975 pickup truck

why should i care?
when the people point and stare
cause you're the one who left
sometimes it seems like you weren't even there

i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2001-07-18 12:27 PM

Man did this take a turn towards the end. I thought it was a normal love poem and then BAM, it completely switched. I liked it. I thought it was good.There were a few changes I would make to make it flow a little cleaner, but I enjoyed it.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-07-18 01:29 PM

I agree with Jon on the suprise ending. It was completely unexpected- I liked that. The flow was pretty good- the rhyming put a nice touch to it. I enjoyed this.

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

3 posted 2001-07-18 07:45 PM

Wow, very strong ending... Quite sad... But I thought the poem was great. Sounds like you lost a lot. Anyway, I enjoyed this one, thought you did very good.

And Welcome Back!!

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-07-19 02:04 AM

I really liked this one. I thought it was quite sad in the end.
Well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-07-19 02:07 AM

wow...the whole poem was wellw ritten...i liekd how youe xpressed this one...the endingw as awesome...VERY sad...i liekd the poem..bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

6 posted 2001-07-19 06:43 PM

I agree...the ending was so not what I was expecting. This was great...sad but none the less very good. Thanks for sharing!
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-07-20 12:16 PM

The ending was completely unexpected. This was well written.. I really enjoyed this. Love it the hardest thing to let go of. The key if learning when to let go. Nicely done, here. Keep posting all your work.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

8 posted 2001-07-20 11:34 AM

The end was the big boom, and i liked that about it, changed so suddnely. Very sad. but great work

Regina

Vacuity
Junior Member

since 2002-01-22

Posts 12

9 posted 2002-01-23 09:44 PM

i hope that really didn't happen, but my condolences if it did. good write

Mon Cherie

Senior Member

since 2001-10-31

Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers

10 posted 2002-01-24 12:26 PM

That is rather sad!! But true, it's the sweetest feeling to have someone love you.

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

11 posted 2002-01-24 12:40 PM

Great!!
I just lost my dad, and this really is what I feel

[This message has been edited by FoxXena (01-24-2002 01:43 PM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

12 posted 2002-01-27 12:00 PM

Loving is never a crime so dont ever think it is...you expressed yourself nicely here..good poem

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

lauren03
Member

since 2002-01-04

Posts 64
oh, usa

13 posted 2002-01-30 10:12 PM

i wasn't expecting that it took a sudden turn and that made it good. poems like that are so sad i've never really had somethin like that happen but the poem was good, but sad

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

14 posted 2002-01-31 01:18 AM

Wow.... love is a powerful thing and can turn out to cause people so much pai.But anyway awsome piece I love it.
Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind

"You've got to get yourself together you got stuck in a moment and y

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.