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china doll
Junior Member

since 2002-01-20

Posts 22

0 posted 2002-01-20 12:56 PM

Late at night
I lie awake
A pain so deep
it's hard to take-
I feel it
in the very pit
of my stomach
In my heart it sits.
An emptyness
so hollow and so bare
It tears me apart
Till there's nothing there.
A lonliness brewing
That gnaws away
To the very depths
of my soul astray.
The anger rises
to harden my eyes
with tears that burn
like hell in the sky.
The sadness turns
to an endless rage-
I feel like a raven
trapped in a cage.

Ree Ree
Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 56
providence, RI

1 posted 2002-01-20 12:59 PM

Kewl poem....rhyming is always fun : ) i like the short sentence's, it makes if flow well. I lke the line "To the very depths
of my soul astray." that's a kewl sentence, the end is great. nice write : )

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-01-20 01:06 PM

I feel like a raven
trapped in a cage

*************************

I really enjoyed reading this poem. This is your first post, correct? Welcome to Pip. I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself here as much as everyone else. You truly expressed yourself well in this poem. The reader can feel your emotions with you as he/she reads. Thank your for posting this.

Jaime

-- the calm before the storm --

jaimespoetry.blogspot.com

Watergun*Angel
New Member

since 2001-12-20

Posts 8
La la land

3 posted 2002-01-20 03:41 PM

I thought this read was great. I also liked the short sentences. And the rhyming was great. Hope to read more posts of yours.

*Sarah*

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2002-01-20 03:43 PM

Welcome to PIPtalk!

This is a very well-written poem. It's painfully beautiful. I hope all is well, and if it's not that you talk to someone about it. And keep writing about it.. that's some great therapy

I enjoyed this, and I really look forward to reading your posts and replies around here.
Be sure to check your email for a special greeting

Again, welcome!

--Marie - Moderator/Passions in Poetry

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

5 posted 2002-01-20 04:02 PM

Welcome to PIP. Great first post. I'm pretty partial to rhyming poetry so I really liked this. Hope to see more from you soon.

ex animo,
Aaron

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2002-01-20 04:35 PM

Welcome to Passions!!!

Great first piost

You expressed urself well here...cant wait to read more from you

welcome again!

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

7 posted 2002-01-20 06:09 PM

Welcome to PIP! ^__^
I really enjoyed this post! It was somewhat bitter, and reflective, and I could relate to much of it.
Point of interest (if anyone cares to read this...): Your last line says something about being trapped in a cage, yet your title speaks of being empty. You feel empty inside, yet the once empty cage is now filled by you...and this cage...perhaps you are filling someone else's life, yet it is causing your own emptiness? I don't know if ANY of that made sense...probably not. I'm just thinking too hard. (not a good thing.)

Thanks for posting, and I hope you continue to write more poetry! ^_^

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

china doll
Junior Member

since 2002-01-20

Posts 22

8 posted 2002-01-21 07:41 PM

Leah
Yes that is true! I just figured it out for myself when I read your post.Thank you...it might lead to a resolution of why I feel this way.
Sincerely Joanna

kr1st1babyo2
New Member

since 2002-01-30

Posts 2
new york rochester

9 posted 2002-01-30 02:22 PM

your poem is so true....i love it! it reminds me of where i am right now and your poem touched me really deap great job!

*^*Kristi*^*

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

10 posted 2002-01-30 07:09 PM

such powerful words. very expressive. one of those "bad day" poems. excellent job though. and welcome to Pip

I'm anxious to read more of your work

*dq

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

lauren03
Member

since 2002-01-04

Posts 64
oh, usa

11 posted 2002-01-30 10:06 PM

hey your poem was good and i liked the rhyming in it, i try but it doesn't always happen that way.

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

12 posted 2002-01-31 01:02 AM

Awsome first post I really love it.Keep up the awsome work and I can't wait to read more of your poetry.
Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind

"You've got to get yourself together you got stuck in a moment and y

Honey
Member

since 2001-10-09

Posts 92
Hot girl From Canada

13 posted 2002-01-31 01:21 AM

Well said

It Feels As If I've Always Been Someone On The Outside Looking In.

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest!!

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