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Teen Poetry #5
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The Girl Next Door
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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The Girl Next Door |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
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I fell in love with the girl next door I’ve seen her for years, but not like this before Searched my whole life, now I found what I’m looking for She always leaves me wanting to come back for more I don’t understand this, how can it be You’re the one standing next to me This is all so crazy, it seems so weird This type of feeling is the one that I’ve feared We’ve always been friends, and now we are lovers I can’t stand to think of my life with another When we were little, we used to play together I want to keep you in my life forever Pulling your hair and stealing kisses Watching the stars and making wishes Back then we used to wish for money and fame Now I’m wishing one day you will take my last name It seems I’ve known you from the very start All of the sudden you’ve stole my heart I wish I would’ve noticed a long time ago But life’s still young, our love has time to grow I have come to see you in a different light My heart starts to ache when you leave my sight It was fate, we were meant to be You’re the only girl in this world for me I fell in love with the girl next door I’ve seen her for years, but not like this before Searched my whole life, now I found what I’m looking for She always leaves me wanting to come back for more "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work Jon, I really enjoyed the read, well done and keep on posting... Zu  |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"Back then we used to wish for money and fame Now I’m wishing one day you will take my last name" i personally loved that part the most...the whole poem was beautiful!...awesoem emotions expressed here, Jon ...glad to see your poems again.[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-17-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I agree with Alby on the fave lines... Nicely written here, Keoni. The meter is off in a few places, but that's only because the drastic changes in lengths of the lines. I think the rhyme shceme was very well done, though, some of the rhymes don't match up completely, but most were not elementary rhymes like "I hit my cat, and now I feel fat." I really enjoyed this. Beautiful words... Nice work I really enjoyed this.--Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning... |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Thanks for the replies. Marie, when I write I don't have a specific meter. What I write is kinda intended to be lyrics. If it turns into a song, variations in meter and rhyme scheme are easily overlooked.Thank you for the critique because I don't pay that close attention when I am specifically writing a poem, so I will keep it in mind. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE A SPECIFIC METER!!!!!!! ok no, i never write in meter or peter or liter whatever the heck people write in. This ROCKED! I really loved how you repeated the first stanza in the end. I felt it added so much impact to the poem. The middle rocked as well, duh! I thought you did an AWESOME job on this poem keoni. Simply awesome. Awaiting more!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
This was just simply beautiful. I loved it. I agree with alby with the fav lines that was just so sweet. Its amazing how someone you have known forever can change into someone you want forever right before your very eyes. Thanks for sharing this was great!! ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
very nice! i liked the Dawson and Joey feel, and yet the reality of it all... very very nice ALLIE |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
I like this!!!!! it's so cute. I really don't know much about meter or anything like that, but I know a good poem when I see one  , lol, and I really enjoyed this poem!I LOVE ZU, hey Albie, Cody, Allan, Carly, Cherish, Lizzy, Kris, *HUGS JAVI*, Tamma, Acire, and Branden. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I read it like lyrics. It reminded me of a song when I started reading, so I just kept it that way. Great job!! I really liked this. Jenn "Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill |
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