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A Question of Being
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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A Question of Being |
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deadeyes Junior Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 33 |
The appearance of dawn came to me as I stared into the morning view. There wasn't a single soul in sight an occurence that doubted my mind. The glass fields looked damp windows were opaque birds were rounding suburban streets as cables were preparing for a busy day. I felt the need to take a walk i've been lounging all morning. It was three in the afternoon and I needed some time to reflect. I couldn't recall the starry night my vision would fade into numbness. I studied at children playing in the playground as their parents picked them up from funerals. The appearance of dusk came to me as I stared into the violet sky. People were arriving to normalcy as lights began to reincarnate. I went to the store to get my supper but some bizaree thought came into me. All I remembered was that I entered a black eye and couldn't blink my way out. Unexpectedly I see people gather up they were in grief and sorrow. I shrieked for an explanation but nobody retaliated. I left my scene into the headlights as I arrived into my shelter. The clock read eleven pm as I fell into the lost hours. I woke up the next day as I opened the door to pick up the paper. The things I read were the usual subject matter but one headline dired me. I took a stroll on the park as the masses passed next to me and I comprehended my being I was now a personage of memory. "Silencio..no hay banda..no hay orquesta." |
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| © Copyright 2002 deadeyes - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
We'll deadeyes, thats a very depressing name by the way deadeyes, but like your poetry here is full of imagry. Many times in this poem I got very specific feelings and images in my head. Baring that in mind, I think if you work on your economy of language, and try to trim out alot of the fat in this...which at times reads kind of prosey/journaly, I think you will really have something special on your hands take it easy kev |
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deadeyes Junior Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 33 |
Yeah you're right in the trimming out some lines..but I dunno I think my journaly type lines I wanted to make them on purpose..kinda change the style I usually do as well as many people..this person i'm talking about had a fascination with obsserving but couldn't study his own self and well the not so clear hidden meaning to it. Thanks for your criticism. "Silencio..no hay banda..no hay orquesta." |
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