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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
i suffocate on life's lies pulled down by this tide surrounded by this hate i can't breathe anymore a needle pricks my vein and then i'm gone i'm not dying, i'm living can't breathe anymore i push it all back tuck it all away no way to let it go i can't breathe anymore this growing pain inside teases like suicide curiousity i can't fulfill can't breathe anymore i'm falling from this ledge lost in something i can't control fear threatens in the background and i can't breathe anymore NOTE: Just so everyone knows, even though this writing mentions "suicide," it is not about suicide or promoting it. Thank you. “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” Getting away, isn't Running away. "Words are windows to the heart." [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (09-03-2002 03:01 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Lately I've really been impressed with your growth in writing, Tiffany. It's obvious you're taking a very serious approach to your writing now. I can't stress enough how proud I am of your progress. You do an excellent job of organizing your thoughts. I like the structure here, the quatrains that are each tailed with a similar, but not identical line. I also have to note how you can communicate unusual messages without overshooting the vocab. Pretty much every stanza shows that same charm, and it makes your poetry read through very clearly... something I probably lack...  Oh, and I love your title. Kudos to any poet who uses a recurring line or statement in a poem, but refuses to resort to it as a title. Very impressed here, Tiffany. Your talent is finally blooming. Parasite |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
well this poem took my breath away!, I loved the way this flowed and the images and atmoshere created by this poem, thankyou for sharing this, anya |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
you expressed your pain well. I enjoyed this piece a lot...good job Sometimes I get so weird |
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