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Teen Poetry #5

Flying a bit too high

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

0 posted 2002-08-27 11:24 AM

I'm flying a bit too high tonight my love,
I'm on the border of heaven up here,
but being this high my mind is not clear,
and whoever knew how many colours there are,
from here every tint and shade is a million times more vivid,
they seem to seep through my skin and become a part of me,

But at this dizzying height my body no longer seems my own,
it's not me who is controlling these movements I make,
And my emotions have been stripped and peeled away up here,
no worries are allowed this high in the atmosphere.

But while I soar above the earth, the air is getting too thin to breath,
all I can do is go along with the ride,
I will decend to the earth where I will crash, burn, crawl away and hide,
I'm flying a bit too high tonight my love,
wait a while and you will see me falling, failing sprawling on the ground

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2002-08-27 01:17 PM

Nice

I cant see past all the pain and torture that goes on in the places we call,
home.
~Azi

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2002-08-28 08:15 PM

Great metaphor here. You did a wonderful job with it, and its consistency through the whole poem shows how much work you put into it. That is one thing I believe shows talent, because too often times the metaphor is dropped and picked back up multiple times throughout a poem, so to see one with such consistency is a true gem. Thanks for sharing!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

A. L. Becker
Member

since 2002-09-06

Posts 167
San Francisco, California

3 posted 2002-09-06 08:33 PM

anya, i love this poem.

"...whoever knew how many colours there are,

from here every tint and shade is a million times more vivid,

they seem to seep through my skin and become a part of me"

i think i may know what you mean. fabulous description. thank you for this one.

Annie :-

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

4 posted 2002-09-08 03:09 AM

this is georgeous, the last line really brings you down.well done and keep it up.

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