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Luther
Junior Member

since 2002-08-15

Posts 17

0 posted 2002-08-25 05:21 AM

Emotion Sickness

The sea of my life is starting to swell
Clouds darken the horizon
This disease has become my only weakness
No medicine can make me well
I'm a victim of this emotion sickness
Baby your're not making it better
You're fueling my fire
And my only desire
Is to run away from my life

I know I shouldn't be thinking this
Especially about you
But when I'm with you
You are not
You're some place else
Your not yourself
And I am left
And begin to guess
Why are you doing this to me?

You can be with him
But not with me
I know this sounds like jealousy
But you know it's true
But your actions continue
The consequences are not of concern
But still I return
To the person I love
But it's all about you
Isn't it!?!

When was the last time
You gave me a hug
A kiss
A glance
A thought
A chance
Or asked for a dance.
It's all about you
...and him

Well I want out.
I need to escape
Float out the nearest window
And never come back
Never return to this meaning I lack
To the love that I never recieved
To the girl that treated me
Like I didn't exist
And now I'm left
I must resist
But life is so hard
When all of my actions
Can't be resolved
My only option is to jump
But do you want that?

Jordan Aarts

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

1 posted 2002-08-25 09:51 AM

The rhyming scheme threw me off just a little but then again thats just me because I am tired. Other wise this was a great write.

<3 Ri
^ ( I made the little heart thing by myself

)

Smiles and Cries
Junior Member

since 2002-08-23

Posts 16
Newrk De

2 posted 2002-08-25 02:03 PM

it couldve been better organized but the message was great and i liked it a lot

Have u ever Loved somebody so much it makes u cry? Have u ever needed something so bad u cant sleep at night? Have u ever tried to find the words but

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2002-08-25 10:08 PM

Ooh, I like your critique message. I -did- enjoy it.

It flows really well from thought to thought...I love how you talk about everything being about 'her' and then you go into more personal things in your last stanza...and then the ending goes back to 'her'. That was pretty clever.

I do have one concern...the phrase "my only option is to jump" frightened me a bit. No girl is -ever- worth giving up your -own- life. I hope all is well (or becomes well very soon) and that some things get resolved for you. Cheers.

~Carly

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
~David Borenstein

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