navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » night
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic night Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2002-08-22 03:04 AM



the eternal blue of night flows forth
devouring our souls
entrenching us in things most fear
and reaping what we know
life goes on and daylight comes
but the night live on in our minds
all that is darkness shall live on forever
in what we fear
and i cry unto that dark night
begging for final release
and yet i wait still in the dark
the night forever enveloping me.

a wiseman once said "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!
i girl who thinks shes wise said " ben is a dorko" i agree

© Copyright 2002 Ben Redshaw - All Rights Reserved
vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
1 posted 2002-08-22 01:49 PM


Wow there was so much detail and imagery in here!!  I liked it alot!! Thanks for sharing!!

Always,
Nikki

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
2 posted 2002-08-22 08:46 PM


BBBEEEENNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! (It's Ali, since you don't know this name) It is so terrific to see you posting again. Your poetry has improved incredibly! The imagery in this is wonderful, and you chose a great topic to use this metaphore on. I hope you continue to write and post

Super love and great big hugs
Sky/Ali

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

never_a_princess
Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82
Show Me the Money
3 posted 2002-08-31 12:37 PM


"the eternal blue of night flows forth" & "the night forever enveloping me"--I liked the beginnings and ends a lot. Very nice flow to this poem. *noDs* I also quite enjoyed the line: "life goes on and daylight comes" for the imagery, as the others already mentioned. But honestly, it really does give a great picture inside one's mind as they read through this poem. Nice, buddy-boy. *hugz*
__o0o_AnnA_o0o__

Friends r angels who lift u 2 ur feet when ur wings have trouble remembering how 2 fly.
Stumbling blox can b stepping stones if u allow them 2 b.

wes
New Member
since 2002-08-30
Posts 6
San Clemente, CA
4 posted 2002-08-31 02:14 AM


I like the idea. But it is definatly hard for me to connect the blue of night and the darkness of night. Blue can only get so dark before it is more "Blueish Darkness" than "Dark Blueish". That is my only concern, other than that, good pace.
SunShine913
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211
Italy but from NC
5 posted 2002-08-31 10:26 AM


hmmm i believe vixengrl04 took everything right out my mouth good work hun

            *!~!* Andrea *!~!*
             soon to be mother    

StellarChica
Member
since 2002-07-06
Posts 207
floating down a river...
6 posted 2002-08-31 08:40 PM


Oooohh..Nice imagery. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing. I highly enjoyed it.

*~erin~*

"I've got nothing left to hide except for what's inside. I keep it all locked up in this prison we call love."-Sugarcult

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » night

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary