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Teen Poetry #5
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Life
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Life |
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Tiger Junior Member
since 2002-08-18
Posts 24Queensland, Australia |
Life This existence that were livin' in, breathin' in, From birth to death we belivin' in, Caged like animals bound by laws, surrounded by locked doors you work, love, live till you can live no more then thats it. You leave the life you lived You look down at your body on the church floor surrounded by the people you adore. Cryin', slowly dyin', so why sit around doped up on too much indo watchin' your dreams float up and out the window when life got so much to give in so little time so wake up coz u got a life to live. Think of this rhyme as a devine sign, tellin' you to lay down your arms and give up this life of crime coz its now time to erase the hate replace the hate start a new slate embrace fate not alter it. We don’t have to mimic this gangster [edited by Moderator]! -Tiger [This message has been edited by Sunshine (08-18-2002 05:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Katreena Cook - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Hallucination Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419 |
tiger, you've picked a difficult topic to write about. "Life"...But you've done some great with the lines you've written. I think most people will see where you're getting at. And remember there's a lot fo different styles of poetry...And you've just done one of them very, very good! Hope to read more from your pen soon... Best Wishes, Brian. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Welcome, and thank you for sharing your work with us!! One thing, however, you should really review our guidelines as profane language and asterisks to mask it aren't allowed in these forums. You might get a message to edit it yourself from a moderator, or if you are unable someone can do it for you. Just a heads up.  Look forward to more, within guidelines of course. Jenn |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions, Tiger. As Jenn mentioned, because of our guidelines, I have edited out the offending word. If you have any questions about our guidelines, or any other questions on procedures regarding posting, please feel free to contact a moderator of your choice. Thanks! Looking forward to reading your other poems. Karilea |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Welcome Tiger One less insane blooper.. that's a comfort.. I hope you enjoy yourself here "you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A. |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
Welcome to Passions, Tiger! I hope you enjoy it here. As for your poem, I think you approached a very hard subject with a sense of grace in your writing. A wonderful message. My only suggestion would be to leave the slang for rough drafts, and try to formalize it a bit when posting. It just makes the work more readable, and says that the author took more time on his/her work. I understand that it sort of fits in with the topic at hand, but just a suggestion for future postings. Good luck! ~Sky |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Welcome to Passions! I get the feeling that you're going to fit in well here, and I hope that you enjoy the blue pages! I haven't seen a poem on life done this well in... well, I've never seen a poem on life done this well Two weeks until the beginning of my life. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
"Life" most certainly is a vague and difficult subject to write about, but you did it well. I think this piece would make a really good song, or rap because of the way it was written. Nice work!! Always, Nikki *~Fighting for your love~* |
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Nazera29 Junior Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 34Connecticut |
wow tiger, good one, i like it.... i dont know if i could even write in language like you did, but you really pulled it off... i agree that it could be a good rap or even a slam poem... great job welcome here, im pretty new, and I already feel at home*We are the hero in our own story* |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
someone let me know how to do the quote thingy anyway _____________________________________________ Caged like animals bound by laws, surrounded by locked doors you work, love, live till you can live no more then thats it. ____________________________________________ This reminded me of a poem I just saw on russel simons def poetry jam. Don't know if anyone saw it, it wasnt this weeks episode but last weeks, If you guys get hbo then look up when its on and tape it, its awesome Poetry was meant to be read out loud it carries so much better |
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Luther Junior Member
since 2002-08-15
Posts 17 |
Dear Tiger, ...Life is what you make it. p.s you should be stripper Luther |
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SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC |
HEy AND WELCOME>. i use to have a friend named tiger .. ok well it wasnt his name but that is what we called him ..well welcome and i really like your work i cant wait to read more *!~!* Andrea *!~!* |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
This read through pretty well. I don't actually like this style of poetry or the content but I'm sure that you'll like it here. Remember to reply as well as post. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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