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BlackHole
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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BlackHole |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
eyes squint into the distance of a blur of gold and grey course dust pinpoints of gilded-aura perfection encompassed by an obsidian star forever redefining upon itself a breathing mass of spindled glory laced tightly in a corset of thinnest webbing lusterless glimmer of violet pool sands churn in the baseless air smoothing along the diamond rough glass-like abrasions of polished star cushion of pearl coated with rust comet of ash spread thin beyond time chased only by wind heavy with stone draped studs of silver-lined curtains of cloud sated thick with dew drop left behind “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” "Words are windows to the heart." [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (08-17-2002 03:12 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow that is such an awesome poem, the imagery was just amazing, thank you for sharing this with us  Andrew Visit my forums @ http://chronicles.proboards4.com/index.cgi |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Hey Tiff, how'd you come up with so many neat words? Have you been reading the dictionary again?  Just razzing you, because I have no hope in hell (is that allowed?) of writing a poem like this. I found it a little run-onish, but that's just me and my love of punctuation. It's still an awesome poem |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
andrew- thanks, its always nice havin a compliment like taht from you. *hug* rhonda- you guessed it. the dictionary and i have a date every wednesday night. ;p and yea, looks like you can say hell hehe if ya want, point out that runonish and ill fix it. punctuation is not my strongest point. *hug* tiff “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Wowzers, how do you write with such imagery and powerful words? This was great, and I especially enjoyed this verse: forever redefining upon itself a breathing mass of spindled glory laced tightly in a corset of thinnest webbing lusterless glimmer of violet pool Great job!! Always, Nikki *~Fighting for your love~* |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Ooooh Tiff! This is -really- pretty...I loved the last stanza especially. We'll talk about this one on msn, dearie. ~Carly "Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
Nikki- Thanks so much for the kind words. Im glad you liked it. I like your signature btw. Thanks for the bump/reply dear. CarlAy- Mucho thanks love. *peck* glad ya liked. and I would talk to you about it on msn now.. but youre momma has taken over.. and I ran.  wub you so.tiff “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Tiff - I did think this is a few steps above what you usually do. It's much more stylistic, and much more structured... also, you make use of more creatively worded ideas and have a depth that settles beneath the words of the poem. All of these things make this piece come across very, very nicely. However, I do agree that it felt a little run-onish. I think the reason behind this might be the overuse of conjunctions (such as: "and", "upon", "in", and chiefly "of"). You might have reworded this a bit more to cut down on the constant use of this method of description. Try inverting your sentence structure from time to time, instead of "lusterless glimmer of violet pool," try "violet pool's lusterless glimmer." Just an example of what I mean. It is absolutely wonderful to see you re-exploring the realms of imagery. This poem is so visually stunning that it is perplexing... which makes me think it might even have some Van Dort influence... I'm adding this to my library, to sit alongside your poem about the lightbulb, swinging... ooh... gotta go read that one again.  Parasite |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I use the library so seldom that I forget how it works...  *click* |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I just got off work, after getting 3, maybe four hours sleep. Wanted to say I'll be back to read this one later tonight. Sincerely, Titus "I'll prepare myself, and one day my time will come." |
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