Teen Poetry #5 |
Her |
pure_innocence Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 80Colorado, US |
When I looked into the mirror I saw to my surprise A beautiful young woman standing right before my eyes, Her hair with streaks of gold cascading silken curls, Skin so creamy and smooth as that of an ivory pearl, Pouty bee-stung lips part where sweetened secrets do impose, Hands so delicate and soft as the petals of a rose, Eyes as deep as an ocean their color much the same, A smile that shines with such a light t’would put the sun to shame, Her love of life renews me; her delight becomes my own, Being her, living in her world fills me with a joy I’ve never known, But why does she never stay to what other mirror does she go, These questions well up in my heart about this beauty I fear I’ll never know, Every time I go out I glance in my mirror hoping I’ll see her there, More often then not though all I meet with is my own wishful stare, Yet other times I see her with her beauty and her grace, An elegant prim princess in an ugly paupers place, She’s everything I want and all I’ll never be, It’s in her body and with her spirit that my soul is finally free, As her, fear and doubt are replaced with hope and confidence, A whole new world unfolds, a new sun and providence, I’m flying with wings of faith and trust as from this wretched body I depart, There are no more tears to cry or wounds to heal in a bleeding heart, Moments of boundless bliss, whispers of happily ever after, From the misery and frowns to joy and love and laughter, From heaven and back to hell, tomorrow has become today, Time has come to chance the fates and see if the angel has flown away, I look into the mirror and see to no surprise, The plain girl time has always known as me staring back into my eyes. Jamie Lynne 7/24/00 This was written from the heart about your's truly. For those "pretty days", you know, when you wake up and you just feel pretty for no good reason at all. |
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© Copyright 2001 Jamie Lynne - All Rights Reserved | |||
Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
I don't know of any pretty days for myself. But it's a great poem Bel |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this was written VERY well...i saw that it was for the heart...i liked how you discribed such images, Jamie im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The imagery in this whole piece is breathtaking. The way you described her, and the surroundings were very impressive. The only thing I didn't like were the length of the lines. I know it made it kind of hard to read, and difficult to follow. But the rhyme scheme was well done, and I enjoyed every bit of emotion you packed into this poem. Beautiful work... I REALLY enjoyed this. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Very impressive, Jamie. Wonderfully written. So full of emotion. |
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pure_innocence Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 80Colorado, US |
Thank you all so much!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it, that I could share a piece of myself with you and be so well recieved! Thank you for the critques, I'll try going back and tweaking it a little. All posts and replys are deeply appreciated thank you!!!!!!!!! |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
Ooooh...I liked this one alot. As Marie said it truly was breathtaking and beautifullly written. It was amazing of you to share that part of you with us. Excellent poem. Thanks for sharing! Always, ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
Very good I liked the ryhme.. I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow your use of ryhme is superb! I really loved how this flowed, and the end comment was nice. I really felt this poem had a great message. I loved it. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*applauds like a nutter* WOW! This is totally amazing. The rhyme scheme, imagery and the format is wonderful! Everything about this piece I have fallen in love with. Thank you for sharing this. It is going straight into my library. ~AF~ Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
Wow... ^^ This poem was very very pretty... hehehe Not exactly sure what to say... one of those rare times when a poem leaves me almost speechless... ^^; That's definitely a rare occasion... oO; Me actually not writing all that much in a reply when actually replying... the world's gonna end now... *lol* Anyways, to summarize the thoughts since I'm half-speechless, I thought that the rhymes were pretty and the words were well-chosen, and the poem created a really pretty image, and it flowed and echoed beautifully with a really sweet conclusion. And yes, if I only say *that much* I consider it being speechless. ^_^v hehehe In any case... the only thing that seemed odd was the third line in the third stanza looked like it needed a comma or some other punctuation mark to make it pause for a little bit... either that, or I'm reading it wrong. ^_^; And the fact that your lines are as long as mine tend to be... *gets creeped out* hehehe Kidding, kidding... Wonderful piece! Thank you much for sharing and posting, and dragging it out from a notebook somewhere given the fact that it was written a year ago... *looks at the date*... out of all the ones that I've read that you've written and posted, this was definitely my favorite... excellent job on this one. ^_^ Hope to see others in the future, yes-no? ^_^v Until next time... - holatuwol |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Incredible. The imagery...the rhymes...I really don't know what to say. The story itself is even amazing. A bit of self-realization. Sorry I'm incoherantly rambling..I tend to do that when I'm overwhelmed by something this great. -Kosetsu "Love, like the Rose, is desired. And like the Rose, Love has its thorns." - Unknown |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
Very powerful!! Just simply awesome - I can't think of anything else to say so I guess I will shut-up... LoL Perfect write!! |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
arrrrrgggggghhhhhh..theres nuthing left for me to say on this poem!!!!...goshy those guys should leave sumthing for the rest of us to say!!!! *sighs* ive felt this way many times....i wake up sum days and get scared by what i see....but yes the poem you wrote is beautiful..it makes me jealous!!...lovely job done here!!!..i enjoyed this thoroughly thanks for sharing! "I hope my mum and I hope my dad |
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