Teen Poetry #5 |
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The Mad Man |
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Otaku Junior Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 39Western Australia |
Beat. My heart Beats. My heart beats Furiously As I run with Haste and the Cluttering Of the ground before me. Run. Running so fast From the Psychotic phantom From Behind. Whisper. The wind swifts In my hollow soul and Whispers Silent words of Horror... But suddenly, Suddenly, Suddenly, I feel a Tremendous Grip Forced On My Shoulder. Pain. I cry, as the Hand of the Phantom Stabs my flesh. Cry. He grabs my Neck with Murderous intentions And with a Breath of Death. Daringly, I slowly open my Eyes to Unfold the mystery that Has haunted Me For so Long. And then... And then... And then... With the entirety Of my soul, I SCREAM. Scream. Heaven has Cursed me with What I See Before Me. I SCREAM. And with one last Glance of His Bleeding Eyes, And with a Defining Swipe of his Blade, My fear and Screaming, And the memories of my Childhood and Innocence End. |
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Otaku Junior Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 39Western Australia |
hey everyone... just one question.....what does a flashing folder mean? there's one next to my 'Recognize' poem... thanks |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
Very interesting. Normally there is a line that repetition should be stopped at but you've really used it well here. On first reading it seems a little overworked by by the fourth time you can see how it is essentially to the theme. I do like this. You have worked into this piece many facets of a mad man and his effects on a human being. Very descriptive and well done. Thanks for posting. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
The flashing folder represents that the work is your first originating post. So welcome to Passions! I agree about the repetition, once I got into the poem, I recognized how much desperation it added, at least in my mind's eye. A strong write, and a very good ending. I will be watching for further work by you! ~Sky "Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Wow, I definitely found this to be really powerful!! I like how you separated the piece into short lines, alternating with longer ones. It made me read it as a series of pieces rather than one whole piece, and I liked that alot. The longer lines seemed to be more accentuated on. Yeah, you did a really great job with this!! Great work!! ![]() Always, Nikki *~Fighting for your love~* |
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Kevin![]()
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
This poem was meant to be read online, the scrolling down of the page reveals the words as you intended imho I like the pace of this |
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