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falling
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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falling |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Do you ever have that dream, that you are falling.... falling falling And you never hit the bottom- You just awaken to the silent screams echoing in your head Flash your eyes open to the haunting midnight shadows follwing you around the room... You inhale sharply, as to remind yourself that you didn't hit bottom-- yet And slowly, you exhale, and allow yourself to be taken captive by your dreams once more... Hoping this time, you can catch yourself Catch yourself From spinning out of control, and falling into the relms of your mind that grow on your thoughts and multiply inside of you But you never catch yourself...you just let yourself fall [This message has been edited by LCBS (08-16-2002 12:10 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Lisa Bednarz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
ooo Lisa I like this. Especially the format and the dream-esque quality you used. The falling... falling... falling... bit made me actually picture this whole scene in my head as you told it. I hate dreams like this, or nightmares.  The 'flash' part reminded me of an older poem of mine as well. I used the whole 'flash' thing like you did in mine. All in all I really enjoyed this. Keep writing dear.Tiff “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hey, i also liked the format you used, actually making the words sort of fall. the ending was good, and so were your images. well done in my opinion. -bergundy- "crack my head open, on your kitchen floor. to prove to you, that i have brains." -Alkaline Trio |
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Nazera29 Junior Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 34Connecticut |
i think what i like best about this poem is its format... i am a huge fan of the visual aspect of writing... and the way you wrote it really went with the flow of the words... good job kid!  jess*We are the hero in our own story* |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
Have to agree with what the others have said aout the format, it flowed so well echoing what you are talking about, this poem created an image wonderfully, a great one Lisa, anya |
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punkrockerrobin 
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
awesome stuff lisa! keep it up robin you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all |
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