Teen Poetry #5 |
Polar Opposites |
clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
You whisper our hearts beat as one, playing the same sad love song where the lovers finally meet but die of fractured hearts. And I know you expect some sultry phrase about silken kisses under cloudless nights: but I am sorry dear, I do not love in clichés. *I am taking title suggestions, having a bit of a problem coming up with one.* Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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© Copyright 2002 clve527 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jester Junior Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 41The dark corners of your mind |
mmm...short poetry... something i love. No titles are coming to my mind at this time... I will think still though. I am your God, will you kill me now or shall I be continually suicidal? |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
How about, "Anti-Shakespeare"? Or something rather biting in that manner. I liked this, I'm in love with short poetry, my attention span is low right now. I won't tell you that I relate, because I really don't. And I'm not so wonderful at critiquing, I'm too into emotional poetry for that; feelings are prime for me. But, I liked the way you did this. Jenn Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
How about "love in cliches"? I loved the ending! Thanks for the read. Check out my poetry here: |
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StellarChica Member
since 2002-07-06
Posts 207floating down a river... |
This was awesome. I really really liked it. As for titles..I suck at thinking up titles so I'll be of no help there. *~erin~* "You say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past."-Something Corporate |
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Nazera29 Junior Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 34Connecticut |
i loved this poem... the end made me smile and laugh (and feel a little silly because i think i've wished someone would whisper cliches to me in my weaker hours)but i loved it and i wouldnt change a thing... as for the title, i agree with "love in cliches" or something of that nature. Great job, thanks for the smile :-d *We are the hero in our own story* |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hey, well honestly i'm not against or for short poetry, just the content that matters i guess. i did like this though, the end is strong, and it made me smile. i agree with the others about the cliche type title. -bergundy- maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio- |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I disagree with your title suggestions. I think it's really lazy to name a poem after the last few words of the poem. This is a very good poem... I especially like the insights you provide, and the overall message. The first stanza really caught me. In the second stanza, I don't think the two middle lines should be separate lines at all. One line kind of leads into the next too much... know what I mean? I do like your title already but I see how it doesn't really do justice to the poem... short poems sometimes look nice with longer titles. I can't think of one right now... Good luck with that though. I agree with retitling, but I disagree with resorting to the last few words. Parasite [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (08-15-2002 06:13 PM).] |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
Interesting Casey. You've gone into cliches yet deny loving in them. I'm loving that. I'm no good at naming pieces so I'm afraid that you're on your own for that one. Best advice: don't think too hard on it. The greatest ones, like pieces, wake you from slumber. Thanks for the read. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
"And I know you expect some sultry phrase about silken kisses under cloudless nights:" I personally think that this is the best part of the entire poem. I don't know why, but it made me laugh. I actually felt like you were talking directly to the reader in this stanza, and I think it's great |
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