im new.... but heres a poem!

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Reanna
New Member

since 2002-08-11

Posts 4

0 posted 2002-08-11 07:42 PM

Ok, im new here, and if no one wants me here just tell me. here is one of hte few poems of mine that i actually like, please tell me what you think?

~*~*~Reanna

***Wielding The Sword Of Love***

my fear is being devoured
my life is melting away
i have no mind to guide me
to places unknown, anymore.
broken hearted and abandoned
feeling priceless yet unwanted
treated like nothing by my own self-worth
makes my mind feel naked.

See through walls and pillars
holding me up once again.
the pain of not holding you
contemplates with the pain
of knowing i could be.
My bloodless shoulders need shrouded
your arms, draped over me with hate
wielding my sword of love
to banish the hatred for life.

To love me is to care
which i dont doubt from you at all
you hold me up so i dont fall
you balance me, you're my own wall.
Waking up the silence
and the creatures of the night,
they tend to shiver at seeing
my bloody shoulders, shielded
with the darkened light.

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

1 posted 2002-08-11 09:59 PM

First of all, welcome to Passions.

I like the honesty in this poem. It's very confessional, as if you're speaking to a best friend or writing it in a journal. It also didn't sound terribly plain, which is always a plus. So far so good. I hope you decide to stick around.

-me

I'm married to Mr.Metaphor. We make love everyday.

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

2 posted 2002-08-12 04:30 AM

this was quite intense, i thought it had some good lines in it and i liked the tite 'weilding the sword of love', anyway i will look forward to seeing more of your poems
anya

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

3 posted 2002-08-12 04:57 AM

great poem i really liked it. please check your email for a special greeting

Reanna
New Member

since 2002-08-11

Posts 4

4 posted 2002-08-12 12:33 PM

Thank you, im glad that you actually liked the poem, sometimes i dont think its as good as it could be, but hey, i try. heh.

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

5 posted 2002-08-13 04:21 AM

Welcome to passions!!

Great first post, Reanna. I can see that you're going to fit in well here.

One qualm I have with the piece is that it would be better suited to a rhyme structure of some sort. You had a bit going in the third stanza which didn't fit with the rest of the poem. However in that section, the rhyme worked well and flowed together nicely. Perhaps a revision?

Anyway, enjoy it here. Post, reply and have fun.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

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