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Teen Poetry #5
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Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2002-08-09 12:16 PM



The sky grows dark and silent.
I’m weak but I won’t show it.
At last, my case is closed,
But tell me, Pontius Pilate,
How many arms have crossed
The letter “T” in "poet"?

Check out my poetry here:


http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master


© Copyright 2002 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
1 posted 2002-08-09 12:20 PM


very interesting...  I liked it.  Short, but had a good point to it, and a good question to ask.  Nice write.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?  

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
2 posted 2002-08-09 12:41 PM


wow, i liked this alot. good job.

~Ur feelings never change, u just learn 2 hide them~

clve527
Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200

3 posted 2002-08-09 08:43 AM


The thing I see is that the abruptness of having the first two lines end in periods.  Is there any way of tying them together to make it flow a little better?

Casey

p.s. Sorry about being picky...

If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see...

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
4 posted 2002-08-09 01:36 PM


I don't know. I think it like it as is. I appreciate your comments though. Thanks your reading and responding.

Check out my poetry here:


http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master


Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
5 posted 2002-08-09 06:44 PM


I quite like this as it is, as well.  Very nicely written... very concise and to-the-point.  

And the point, I quite enjoy.  

One of the best I've seen from you lately, Master.  Different, which is what I like about it.

Parasite

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
6 posted 2002-08-09 06:44 PM


Love the new pic, by the way.  No critiques there.  
clve527
Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200

7 posted 2002-08-09 09:09 PM


I can agree with leaving it, but what about breaking up the line then, bringing another stanza in.  It may be a stretch, but it's just a thought.

Casey

If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see...

paper doll
Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty
8 posted 2002-08-10 12:43 PM


This is quite interesting. I haven't actually had the chance to read through much of your poetry but from what I can tell you're a fantastic writer. You've posed a question that would no doubt make for an amazing conversation.

I look forward to reading more from you. Thank you for this.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

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