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baby0508
Member

since 2001-05-16

Posts 58
Moodus, Connecticut

0 posted 2002-08-08 11:04 AM

Love Conquers without asking,
And it rips your soul apart.
It appears so nice and peaceful,
Then it breaks your fragile heart.

You won't know ho to escape the pain,
that you'll feel within.
They say, "Move on and let him go,"
but you won't be sure where to begin.

You'll lose yourself in memories,
and reminsce in the past.
You'll cry for days at a time;
because love, it will not last.

You'll never overcome the hurt,
That comes when love goes wrong.
You'll feel so lost and so confused,
You won't know how you should act strong.

If you approach love with caution,
and don't give in so easily,
Love won't destroy your life,
as it has done to me.

So my advice to everyone:
Love comes without a sigh,
Just don't let love conquer your heart,
as it has done to mine.

If you let love into your life,
be sure that it is right.
If love goes wrong, and you feel lost,
never give up the fight.

I have lost all faith in perfect love,
because my love was based on lies.
I was not prpared for the pain ahead,
Because love took me by surprise.

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2002-08-08 03:38 PM

I thought this was well done. And you're right, love does come and take one by surprise. One thing I have learned is that no love is EVER perfect. Sometimes it can come close, but it never will be. Anyway good thoughts in this.

~Beth

You look inside my wild mind
never knowing what you'll find
still I want you all the time
yeah I do
'cause you get me
~Michelle Branch

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

2 posted 2002-08-08 09:14 PM

A problem here is the fact that you have inconsistant line lengths, which throw off your rhyme. Also you get wordy, which causes a problem. And try proofreading before posting, or using an online spell check, it will catch your spelling errors before you post. Good luck on a rewrite.

Casey

If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see...

[This message has been edited by clve527 (08-08-2002 09:16 PM).]

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

3 posted 2002-08-08 10:15 PM

Just to add to what Casey mentioned, a lot of your rhymes seem forced. For example, the wrong-strong rhyme in the fourth stanza. Don't just go for the first rhyme that you find, pick out the one that fits best. Just my two cents... good luck in the future!

*~p.r.i.n.c.e.s.s.~*
Junior Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 38

4 posted 2002-08-11 03:54 PM

Heathy? This is you right? Wow! I didn't know you still came here?? Yay! LOL, well, I liked this poem, and I don't think you need to re-write it or whatever those people said. I think you're good at this....I really do. Talk to you soon and I'll see you this weekend!!
Love:
Brittney

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