Another one bites the dust (challange that is)

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LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-08-07 03:05 AM

Don't Worry Master, the one for you is coming later!

Your smooth golden finish reflects my face…
A strangers face-
Its showing that hauntingly familiar disguise of doubt
And as I reach out to grab hold of you, I pull back with a shudder
A shiver-
Not from your cool metal handle, but from what lies beyond your frame
And I can only see a reflection of myself through your keyhole
A tiny sliver of light-
I am but a small contributor to the world beyond that doorway
And If I turn your handle then ultimately I leave this world behind
Forever-
And I become your Alice, in your wonderland
Will this key unlock my future, or just lock up my past
Do I dare-
Do I dare to turn the handle of a door so long untouched

Maybe, just maybe…I will knock first

[This message has been edited by LCBS (08-07-2002 03:06 AM).]

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

1 posted 2002-08-07 11:47 AM

This is really goood! I really liked the ending! Good job!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-08-12 06:55 PM

Hey Lisa! This is one of the first poems that I've read from you... I suppose I'm missing out...

I did like this quite a bit.  Very creative.

I especially like your use of line breaks, spacing and hyphens.

I agree with Master that the ending is good.  Although I think the additional "just maybe" is a bit excessive...

Nicely done.

Parasite

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

3 posted 2002-08-13 04:50 AM

quote:

And I become your Alice, in your wonderland

Wow. This is fantastic, Lisa. You've really delved into this topic brilliantly and explored some great sections of the imagination. Your imagery is outstanding.

Very much enjoyed.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

[This message has been edited by paper doll (08-13-2002 04:51 AM).]

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

4 posted 2002-08-16 11:32 AM

You've done good work here, Lisa...capturing the scene is sometimes hard, but I feel like I'm the narrator herself when I read this. Be proud.

~Carly

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
~David Borenstein

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2002-08-17 12:38 PM

Lisa, you just keep getting better on me. This is honestly one of the best ones that I've read from you; did it come to you quickly or did it take a long time? Just curious. Keep writing, hun, soon you'll find out that you really ARE a good poet

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