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Eternal Prisoner
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Eternal Prisoner |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Twisting, whirling, drowning, swirling. Restless sleep, falling deep. Pitch dark, Eternal hell. Almost unreal... Watch me fall, bloodied walls. It's getting close, help here, almost. This is all, almost unreal. Almost unreal.. What is this? Does this exist? Where am I? Where's the sky? No fantasy land, and no pleasure cruise. Almost unreal... ~Ultimately, we are all dead~Proximo |
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| © Copyright 2002 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Depression? That's what it sounds like to me. I could be wrong of course. You're the writer after all. This seems like a page wripped out of my diary.. although I don't keep a diary.. you know what I mean though. If it is about how depression can be then it's great.. and even if it's not.. it's still great. It was simple, yet had depth to it. "if you know me so well then tell me which hand do I use?" Tori Amos |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Spine Grinder- Interesting concept of reality. The short lines created a more to-the-point effect, so in a way, you are describing reality in the format of the poem. It's getting close, help here, almost. -The "help here, almost" didn't really work with the flow. Maybe it was just the way I was reading it. Who knows? ^^ The repetition of "almost unreal" kept bringing up the fact that the most impossible things can still be reality. Good. Hope to see more from you! -Leah- |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Dark Enchantress~ no its not depression, i had this in a dream once, i thought it would make a cool poem so i wrote about it. chasing rain~ thanks 4 the comments, i'm glad u liked it, idk if it was the way u read it or not, o well lol Later~  ~Ultimately, we are all dead~Proximo |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
If this was a dream, I think I'd call it a nightmare. Hugs hon. Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal. |
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