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Teen Poetry #5
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Riley
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since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-07-30 08:54 PM



hands slip together
soft touch upon my skin
silent steps to my future
time slowly halts

burning fingers lite my face
run down my cheeks hold me close
lips touch lightly giving in
parting ways they leave

looking into my eyes
lost in a pool of bluish hue
spoken the words I dread not speak
leave me standing faceless

driving off a silent tear
travels down my hurting face
gone forever lost in time
you can't see my tears

hands slip together
soft touch upon my skin
silent steps to my future
lost in a bluish hue

with out a soul

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before-Edgar Allen Poe

© Copyright 2002 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2002-08-17 02:30 PM


hrm, i really -really- liked this, until i hit the bottom. all through it you had such beautiful wording and imagery. the flow was going great and you had such story going. then the last stanza just abruptly ended and you had the single line. which i did like the single line, and how it pulled in the title of it. but maybe there could be more to it? i dont know. its prolly just me. but i was loving it, still love it, but then boom the end. jmho
keep writing and posting!
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

"Words are windows to the heart."

skyshine
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since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
2 posted 2002-08-17 03:46 PM


I kinda liked the one line, made it seem like a very final finish. Descriptive images here. Nicely done.

~Beth

You look inside my wild mind
never knowing what you'll find
still I want you all the time
yeah I do
'cause you get me
~Michelle Branch

Jenn Cirrincione
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since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
3 posted 2002-08-17 09:08 PM


I liked this as well, it did seem as if the ending was abrupt and final, but such is an ending, right?
Nice work, keep them coming.
They do have the power to steal a lot more then your soul...

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

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