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*~p.r.i.n.c.e.s.s.~*
Junior Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 38

0 posted 2002-07-25 05:58 PM

what's up guys- my name's britt. i used to have a name on here but i decided to make a new one. alot of the poetry here is gonna be old, but some will be new too. hope you like it!
~*~ all i know ~*~

secrets, lies, deception
the cycle never ends.
it hurts to know that all of them-
pretended to be my friends.

circles of conspiracy
betrayal- it all hurts.
but to have trusted them and been let down,
that feeling is the worst.

lyings all they do
becuz everyones so fake
so i begin to wonder,
how much more can i take?

cryings become instinctive
always feeling so alone
but i cant bring myself to change it
cuz its all ive ever known....

Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

1 posted 2002-07-25 06:17 PM

That was a sad poem...It kinda reminds me of once i felt that way..Im sorry that your friends did that...If the poem was about you.

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

2 posted 2002-07-25 06:34 PM

I myself am not much for rhyming and in some cases I use it, but in this I liked it alot. I think I liked the overall topic b/c I can relate and I know a lot of people these days can too. good read!
~*Nao*~

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

3 posted 2002-07-28 03:12 PM

i'm wondering why you never capitalise i in your poems.  is there any significance behind this?  or is it just pure laziness?

i never capitilize it when replying out of pure laziness, but if there is no point to leaving it lower case in a poem, then you shouldn't.  it's right there alongside the pointless elimination of apostrophes i found in the piece.

and internet slang [beCUZ] is almost never welcome in poetry unless it suits the situation.

poetry is an art, not another chat message.

when you take into account [and use properly] such simple things as punctuation, grammar and dialects, you will be amazed at how much better your work both looks and reads.

and because of the very real emotion i felt in this piece, i can realise that you do have some first hand experience with the topic and theme.

i am giving you advice and constructive criticism, i am not putting you or your poem down.

you do sound very young and have a lot of time left to mature and grow as a writer.  just keep writing, and listen to everyone's advice.  you don't have to live and write by it [and not everyone's right], but it does help to always accept new ideas with an open mind.

/the queen of run on sentences, in an amazingly generous mood - jen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

4 posted 2002-07-30 12:00 PM

Well.. I think every possible suggestion was listed above, so I will just say that many of us out there can relate to what you are saying, so thank you for being our voice.

~Sky

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

5 posted 2002-07-30 03:28 PM

I agree with qd's suggestions because you have the ability to grow into an excellent writer, you just need to put a little bit more time into your poems

Aside from that this was very good and remember your family will always be there for you, even when your friends let you down

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