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Teen Poetry #5
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wake up next to you
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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wake up next to you |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA 
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I want to be the one looking in your eyes, Every morning as I watch the sun rise, With each moment next to you, I get this feeling that is sexual, Words that I say might sound nice and all, But deep down in my heart it is you I adore, Your smile is simple and full of dimples, I feel the love in my heart ripple, No matter what others say about us, I want you know in me you can trust, Just thinking of you while I write this rhymes, I can feel my heart playing the love chimes, Words cannot speak what I think about us, I promise you lady, it ain’t just lust, As the sun sets in the west, I see you shine at night, So bright, just like the moonlight, In my dreams you come and stay, I want to wake up next to you one day. Ronil (A mask for everyday. Imagine a life without them.) [This message has been edited by Xeonox (07-23-2002 11:58 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Chel2082 Junior Member
since 2002-07-23
Posts 40Baltimore, MD |
Nice work, while I was reading this piece it kind of related to my life. It rhymed and it was expressive and good. Good job. <3 Chel |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
this was great, i luved the rhyming and everything...thanks 4 the read.  ~In the end..it doesn't even matter...~LP |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Okay just a question, but from your critique message, I get the impression that all you want are people to say what is good about your work. Am I wrong? And if that is the case, then doesn't it defeat the purpose? Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
No it doesnt defeat the purpose, a person can criticise a poem in a good way, and thats wut she's looking 4. ~In the end..it doesn't even matter...~LP [This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (07-23-2002 05:14 PM).] |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
But she didn't say she wanted things said nicely. She said she wanted to hear good things said. There is a very big difference. Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
first of all, I am a he. Ronil (A mask for everyday. Imagine a life without them.) |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Well, I was confused for a he for while, no way of knowing. But that fact doesn't answer my question. Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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