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Teen Poetry #5

weird rhymes

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-07-18 10:31 PM

One night you said you knew,
Untrue, all lies, more deception
Perception, nothing left but shatters,
Tatters of my very being
Seeing no more is believing
Grieving over beaten souls
Holes of my own existence
Distance from my very heart
Apart from you becomes my death
Breath is shallow, life is slowing
Knowing everything is gone
Withdrawn from you, my life

(yes the pattern came from Kevs....Im trying to get out of the boring style)

[This message has been edited by LCBS (07-18-2002 11:03 PM).]

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

1 posted 2002-07-18 10:57 PM

lol.. i see your brother's influence.

Not bad, but don't get lost in the style. A style without a message won't win over too many readers. But keep writing, you'll get it soon.

Check out my poetry here:

http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master

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