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Teen Poetry #5
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Taking back my life
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Taking back my life |
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lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
Intangled in the web you weave Should I stay or should I leave A jelous mind, a selfish soul A helpless girfriend to pay the toll Thruth was under looked, along with her heart Friendship was lost from the very start A demeaning thought turned into many Rude words were not few, but of plenty He told her what to ware and how to act His times were many to face the facts Don't talk, Don't breathe, Don't Live, Don't Smile All of his comands, lasted for miles She could see nothing wrong with his simple demands She could see nothing wrong with his deciving hands He would go behind the trusting back It was so plane, in white and black He hurt her,she did nothing to deserve She was impared, to peek around the curve Just beyond that bend, that curve in time Was an abusive man,the facts were prime He would apologize,Say I was wrong She would take him back,maybe they could work out all along? She would feel terrible from day to day Worring about what she did or what she would say This was no way to live you see Because my friends that girl was me Years were lost,Friends were too I would hear, "How could he do this to you?" I would ask myself the same I must have been insane His appoligies were frequent, as was the abuise I did not want this relationship what was the use? I had not one friend, not one to talk to It took 2 years from my life to finaly get a clue It should not have been that long, but abusie is blind It hurts the soul and bottles the mind. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Lisa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
this isnt the best of my work but i needed some way to express how i feel. I am only 17. and I have been through hell and back, it isnt fair.anyone relate?? |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
when you use a term as vague as 'been to hell and back', who knows if they can relate or not? so many people can simply SAY they've been to hell and back because they've been underexposed to the real world, while others just have trouble articulating the horrible experiences they've been through. but maybe you should talk about that in a more private place [email, im, etc]. this forum is solely for poetry. and i'm not sure if you'd want to share that kind of thing with complete strangers. anyays, about the poem. while it may rhyme, it sounds really forced. don't focus so much on making the lines rhyme, but more of what's in the words. i don't feel any genuine emotion in the piece. it just feels so dry. maybe you should take it back to the drawing board. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
I could have sat here and found a million poems that sucked but thanks for pointing that out and having absoultey no compassion. |
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lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
by the way there is no right nor wrong in poem writting. |
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FAITHy New Member
since 2002-06-26
Posts 9NE |
i dont know about any one else but i liked your poem. Most of the people on here dont sound like they are teens...alot of people need to understand that this is called TEEN POETRY...therefor we write what we know and what we have gone through. I know how it is to have someone control you and I lost sight of everything when i was with him...It was like we were in our own little world and I didnt realize how much i had shut out all my friends and family. But anyways i just wanted to tell you that from me(also a teen) i understand why you wrote this and what you are feeling. God Bless you... |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Don't hide behind your age, you won't be able to do it forever. Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
har har har. that was amusing. in all honesty, i felt i was being very gentle. would you like me to grab an ice pick and tear it apart? and yes, there are 'rights and wrongs' in what you call 'poetry writting'. but that's beside the fact. because you're all dying to know that yes! i am one of you! i am a fellow 'teenager'. dun dun dun... worship buddha. and don't push religion. har har har. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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ericaisamonkey Member
since 2002-04-04
Posts 51A little town north of nowhere |
you are one brave chica.. you know that? this poem is very well written. I think you should read Rose Madder by stephen king. Its a great book. and this poem reminds me a lot of that book. congrats on getting yourself back. it must have been hard. i enjoyed the read and will be looking for much more of your stuff. toodles. *Erica* :loveya: |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
You told quite a story here, which was sad, we are always here to listen, so you are never alone, the past has passed and the future is in your hands, enjoyed the write, keep writing. Sincerely Rick |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
I thought this was an excellent piece to show what you have gone through. I think it was very genuwine, and I believe some of us should be a little more kinder to others. I myself have been through a lot, and commend you for getting through what you have been through. I too am 17 years old as well.... Tomer |
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Lila New Member
since 2002-07-21
Posts 1 |
I agree with you, that there are no rights and wrongs in poetry. I liked your poem. My only complaint would be that the meter was a little awkward in some places. Overall though, I thought you did a wonderful job of expressing how you felt. |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
The fact that so few people on this board understand that there are rights and wrongs in poetry shows why the quality of the poems on here is where it is at. Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
that is so true. i find it astonishing that most people are so damned ignorant. bleh. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
my critic flag is up just to let you know and if you need to argue with others do it else where i honeslty just wanted some feed back and not people who do not understand and who is talking about religon i am not sure i understand why quitlydieing you are being so rude, the world really does need alot more people like you, you know the violent fly things in to buildings start wars kina people because someone is not the way that you are and that someone doesnt meet up to what you think is right. I was hoping i would get responses positive and actually something about which was posted and not which was not . |
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