»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
Truth
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
Truth |
|
|
IKNAP Junior Member
since 2002-05-19
Posts 47Torrington, Connecticut |
KP- We use to never get along, We use to always fight. Now you wake me every mourning, To tell me about last night. Yet still I know you are leaving out, The parts that I can't do without. You lie so you are someone new, But I know this isn’t the true you. I know you do this to protect me, Because I’m am your little "sissy" Someday I hope you tell it all, Pick up the phone and make the call, Tell me so I know it's all-true, But either way i will always love you! -LS |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Betsy Brigham - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
IKNAP Junior Member
since 2002-05-19
Posts 47Torrington, Connecticut |
im very sad!! no one ever responds to my poems and i wish i knew what every one thought of them!! im a loser i know but just telll me what u think please!!!! "The Fat Man Walks Alone" |
||
|
LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Bets, you arent a loser, you are great, and because I'm close to you I can tell all of pip that this is true. The poem is good, the subject is better, why do older siblings feel they cant tell us things....I dont know. good poem (ps....killer party last night!) |
||
|
clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Not only is this plagued with misspelling {Mourning/morning}, the punctuation is entirely wrong. If one is going to use punctuation, it needs to be used logically and correctly. Showing and Telling are two things in which you should associate yourself with, because once you understand the difference and the use of both you will be able to create poetic works. Casey Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. |
||
|
LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
"it needs to be used logically and correctly" Since when did poetry have to be logical or correct, for that matter? If this poet wants to spell it "mourning," she has every right to do so it. You read too much in the grammar of the poem and not enough in what it is truly saying. Forget about the rules, they do not apply in someone’s heart. Read the poem, not the words....there is a very big difference. It is funny you speak of "Showing and Telling," considering you are showing the level of shallowness you regard poetry with by telling us our errors in grammar and punctuation. Constructive criticism is always welcome, but it is nice to conceal it in a compliment, because the teens here are self conscience enough about their work. They do not need someone to judge their poetry on grammar and spelling alone. "you will be able to create poetic works." It may be me, but I was under the impression that these were poetic works. I kept quiet when you said it to me, but now you are saying it to my friends, and that is going too far. Master: I understand what you say, but I feel that if you are going to analyze every "bad" part, then you should learn to at least mention the good parts. Furthermore, this poem, and any poem, should not "fail." There is no such thing as failing here, or at least thats my opinion. [This message has been edited by LCBS (07-15-2002 06:28 PM).] |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
LCBS, punctuation does matter and Casey does have a point. Sometimes a poet may choose not to use punctuation for his unique style of writing (for example Cummings), however I don't see that in this poem. The poem itself fails because it reads just like any other poem on this board. You guys have to realize that poetry is a skill and keep working at it.. My advice, don't quit on your poetry, but start reading the classics. Instead of praising each others work on this website, learn to take in criticism as well as critique others. Just my two cents... peace Check out my poetry here: http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master [This message has been edited by Master (07-15-2002 06:38 PM).] |
||
|
clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
But see, LCBS, poetry isn't emotion alone. Journal entries are emotion alone. Poetry is rules, grammar, images, talent. If you want emotion, then go to a journal, poetry is so much more than that. Casey Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. |
||
|
LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
but a large part is emotion, it is a balance....I lean too much on emotion, but it seems to me that you lean too much on formalities. I could be wrong, its just how I feel |
||
|
clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
LCBS, First off, you haven't read much of my work, so you have no evidence behind your accusation/opinion. Poetry needs to be poetic not emotional, it's a simple concept. The formalities make it a poem and not a journal entry. Casey Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Now, now, now... I haven't read too much of your poetry Casey but I'll have to disagree with that statement there... Formalities without emotions might make a good poem, but not a great poem... the two have to be in ballance. In fact, how about a challenge... post one of your poems that you think works because of the formalities and not the emotion and I'll post one of mine, where the emotions carry the poem forward and we'll let the rest decide which one is better. How about it? Just a side note to both of you, I think we should stop this arguing and be more professional. One of the ways to get better is to have respect for a difference of opinion even if you believe 100% that you're right. So let's all chill a bit, and listen to one another for a change...  Peace LCBS: I understand where you're coming from, but at the same time, I have to disagree with you. I've been writing poetry for over four years now, and only now am I getting good enough that I'm begining to get published and recognized. Poetry is a skill/ a form of art and based on that fact alone, you cannot say that no poem ever fails. By taking away a certain standard for poetry, you are saying that anyone at all who can write is a poet and that just isn't true. Of the 500 poems that I've written in my life, I can honestly say that 400 were a failure. And it is only because of this failure that I've succeeded in writing the 100 good ones. Now, in my mind, and this is my opinion, I don't see anything in this particular poem that stands out from the hundreds of others I've read here. I went back and out of curiousity read some of your old posts and there are some that show promise. Again, my advice to you and your friend, just keep writing and don't take what anyone says to heart. At the same time, learn to distinguish good poetry from average and strive to be better. Just found out that you're Kevin's sister. He was my favorite on this website. You should be proud of your brother and you can learn a lot from his writing. One of the things that I've admired about his work is that he was always experimenting with different styles, rhyme patterns, structures.. try some of that, I'm sure you'll find it rewarding. And say "hi" to your brother for me. Phew.. i never write this much... ok.. i'm outta here. Check out my poetry here: http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master [This message has been edited by Master (07-16-2002 01:44 AM).] |
||
|
clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
Master, I never meant that there can't be emotion, far from it. A great poet puts emotion in, but makes it an actual poem. I write with emotion, but I try and make my poems something other than journal entries. A poem cannot live on emotion alone, hence the numerous journal entries that are posted on this board. Casey Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Yeah.. I'll have to agree with you there... but just to play the Devil's advocate, every poet needs to start of somewhere, I"m just hoping that they keep writing and hopefully their work will get better. |
||
Alexia
since 2001-06-07
Posts 164Sweet And Sassy |
Ok, in poetry your suppose to express your emotions. Thats what poetry is about. So let her express her poetry however she wants. But If you post it, your asking for other peoples truthful opinions. So you can't be to upset. Just my OPINION Lexi *Love might not make the world go round but it's what makes the ride worth while* |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
We're watching  To Everybody --- I believe the original point of LCBS is to conduct each constructive criticism with tact and absolute respect for other's work. là où est mon amour? |
||
|
ericaisamonkey Member
since 2002-04-04
Posts 51A little town north of nowhere |
its nice... in an indirect way it tells us about a drug habit... or a drinking problem. maybe thats a misinterpretation on my part.. but thats what i perceive it as. its really nice.. although i have to agree with master about the balance thing. I'm pretty sure i've replied to a few of your poems.. but if not then i'll try to make it a habit. *Erica* :loveya: |
||
|
Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Love is a strange thing, seems to to come with family naturally, though it might be hidden in the background. All will come out in the open when the time is right, expect little but give your all and right will come your way as well as true felt love. I enjoyed the read and will read more. Sincerely Rick Be well and never put yourself down. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
