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Teen Poetry #5
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Bad Influence
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Bad Influence |
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LisaLongLegs New Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 8 |
Hi guys! I'm new here, I'd better introduce myself quickly. I'm a 15 year old girl from the UK, and this is my poem I wrote a few days ago. Hope you like it, I'm open to critisism, and look forward to reading your poems! Thanks! BAD INFLUENCE Her attire was a cream frilled dress, Complete with polished leather shoes, Her golden hair tied back with shiny red bows, And her pink cherry lips. You wore your torn blue dungarees, The ones with the button clinging on for dear life, Your boots caked in mud from the puddles, And the tangled dark hair. To the ignorant eye of the onlooker You would seem like a pair of opposites As you dragged her off, clasping her hand, To adventures untold. Tearing through the maze of thick woodland, The crackle of crisp, fresh grass beneath Your feet as the spider’s web knitted itself Across your skin. Rolling down the dew-draped hill, laughing, Her cheeks scarred brown, ripped silk, As the blotches of dirt stained the glossy dress, Now not so pure. Little fingers twisted behind backs As you stood before estranged parents who, Blinded by shades of mud, failed to see the importance of Foiling ant raids. Her parents tried to keep you at bay, Dubbing you “mad” and “out of control” – “She’s only a girl, you ought to be ashamed.” Never understood. But two sides of a coin you were and remained, As each night you returned from your frolics Looking like you’d been “pulled through a Hedge backwards.” So every sunrise, by the gate with the broken catch, You’d meet – another striped shirt, her hair tied afresh, Soon to be displaced from its tamed state and Thrown into disarray. The time when she tripped and fell on the Gravel path; blood trickling in a gentle stream Down her slender leg, splashing on the ground As she cried. Retrieving a spotted handkerchief from your pocket, You wrapped it gently around her knee, Like your arm around her shoulder, ‘Till tears ceased. Times changed and years bore weight upon you, Childhood antics subsisted no more, Ambition tore you steadily apart – Two best friends. But as you sit here quietly in solitude Contemplating a capture of the chains of history, Your first and only love… Who would have thought? |
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| © Copyright 2002 LisaLongLegs - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
welcome well even though you newish to writing poetry, your good at it. i really like this poem. i think every one has this kind of relationships that start when your kids. anyway thanks for the read and hope to see more from you soon p.s. i'm putting this one in my library |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
A lot of poems show deep hidden emotions, including my own, but they don't really tell stories. I really enjoyed that I could read your poem and not only see charracters and settings in my head, but feels emotions deep in my heart. Great Write, and welcome to Passions... ~Lisa |
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punkrockerrobin 
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
welcome to passions please check your mail for a special greeting. |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
I really really liked the contrasts here... I'm a short story fan myself... and it's clear in your poetry which i think is awesome... I loved your quotation marks in it... (is that what they're called) i think it added a story feel to that piece which worked well  Allie |
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sillywilly Junior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 33oklahoma |
I really liked your poem. It tells of many emotions that we feel when we love a person. Not in love but the love of a friend. I think this a great story and poem! |
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StellarChica Member
since 2002-07-06
Posts 207floating down a river... |
That was really good. I really enjoyed it! I'm new here also. I hope to see more from you.  *~erin~* "Do you like dreaming of things so impossible or only the practical or ever the wild?"-Dashboard Confessional "Is there a line that I could write that's sad enough to make you cry?"-Gin Blossoms [This message has been edited by StellarChica (07-09-2002 01:58 PM).] |
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