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Teen Poetry #5

The Beast Within

Who iis she
Junior Member

since 2002-05-14

Posts 41
Some where over the rainbow

0 posted 2002-06-28 11:50 PM

Time is Growing Shorter
As the evil beast grows stronger
soon it will be un stopable

It kills the human race Slowly
Taking pleasure in our pain
Consuming us until we are no more

The beast is out greed
Our ANger
Our jealousy
Eating us away in inside.

If history has taught us one true thing is that no Species can last forever...

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

1 posted 2002-06-29 12:22 PM

A very strong piece, short yet to the point. Maybe if you expanded it more you could get out an even deeper poem. Overall I enjoyed it a lot.

Tomer

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-06-30 11:14 AM

It had a great message (truly, truly great message) and it was very clear and to the point, which in my opinion helps the message get across. Sometimes people choke on too many maze-like words. However, I feel that the poem itself wasn't very powerful. Maybe I'm too "over-the-top" but I just thought that perhaps it could have packed a bigger punch. You know what I mean? Like I said though, GREAT message.

[Jaime]

"I think I would like to call myself 'the girl who wanted to be God'." Sylvia Plath

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