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Encarta
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 101
My homeland is not of the world

0 posted 2002-06-07 06:50 PM

My Love For You
by,
Matt
Dedicated to
My only love, Cassie

Brighter than
the stars above,
does my heart shine
for you, my love.
More constant than
the fires below us,
does my heart burn
with love unconfessed.
More memorable than
ever cheer,
are your words
which I hear.
Lighter than
air, wind, and tears,
am I while
I'm near you, dear.
Cause purer than
all things true,
is my love
for you.

[This message has been edited by Encarta (06-08-2002 12:03 PM).]

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

1 posted 2002-06-07 10:03 PM

*sniffs* Aww...that's such a sweet poem! I like your comparisons too. One suggestion, if you don't mind:

"Hotter than
the fires below us,
does my heart burn
with love unconfessed."

You might want to consider using another word than "hotter". It's too general for something such as fire. Maybe "More passionate" or something along those lines. I suppose you could use "fiery", but you'd be repeating the same word twice too soon...

That's about it. Good job on the rest of the poem. Cassie's one lucky girl. ^_^;

-Leah

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-06-07 10:15 PM

I absolutely hate love poems. But I actually kind of like this one, which believe me is quite a step. It sounded very sincere and it was also rather creative.

[Jaime]

"I think I would like to call myself 'the girl who wanted to be God'." Sylvia Plath

RosePetal

Member Elite

since 2001-08-26

Posts 2985
South Florida

3 posted 2002-06-08 03:10 AM

I really like the way you've written this poem. It comes straight from your heart, so thats what makes it really special.
Love is such a strong force, and we all feel it in some form. Your girl will love this poem.

Encarta
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 101
My homeland is not of the world

4 posted 2002-06-08 12:06 PM

I'm glad you like this love poem Dark Enchantress

Thanks for your replies everyone. chasing rain, is it better now that I changed it?

cutiepiesugarbabie
Member

since 2002-06-07

Posts 110
A Cloud In the Sky

5 posted 2002-06-08 03:42 PM

Cause purer than
all things true,
is my love
for you.

I loved that part! It's such a sweet poem! I wish i had a guy to write love poems for me! he he

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

6 posted 2002-07-08 10:56 PM

Encarta-
This is beautifully penned. What heartfelt
thoughts of love in this piece.
Very well done.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Domzi
Member

since 2001-09-08

Posts 288
New York (BK)

7 posted 2002-07-09 01:55 AM

Awww...that was a sweet ode to your girl.

Poetry is spiritual ventilation!

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