navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Hope
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic Hope Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Mon Cherie
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers

0 posted 2002-05-29 12:56 PM


Footsteps echo in the quiet corridor
Trays rattle as trolleys roll by
Bright lights over closed doors
Anxiety tears at the worried hearts

Face buried in callused hands
Weary eyes peering up at every movement
Lines on the face of this old young man
A hint of the underlying emotional stress

A tiny hand rests on his thigh
Beside a little head of unruly curls
A clench of fist - the only movement
The girl is having a bad dream

The moon outside was a wavering light
Sometimes obscured by a passing cloud
Yet shining bright to kill darkness
Offering support to the hopeless

Such support I do need this night
As I lower my head in prayer
I hope an angel would hear me right
And descend with promises of miracles

The woman we love lies within
Fighting to stay alive
My mom is like the moon and the stars
Glowing and gently supportive always

I am frightened and lost
I wonder if my dad feels the same?
And little Jessie girl
Could she understand all that is happening?

Gosh! Why is heaven so unfair?
Or is this one of the many trials
That Mom said would strengthen our bond
And teach us to keep faith

I feel like screaming in agony
At the pain that eats at me
I am but a teenager!
Why do I have to suffer this loss?

Blinking back the tears
I stopped my treacherous thoughts
Just as the moon shines always
I hope for hope

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

© Copyright 2002 Mon Cherie - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2002-05-30 08:06 AM


This poem was very well put. It seemed to have somewhat of a religious undertone, along with hints of formal and informal style. You come out with the formal vocabulary of a very naturalistic-desire type of writing, and counter it with the informal language of hope.

well done

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
2 posted 2002-05-30 09:58 AM


Liked this a lot...it gave me a clear picture in my head. Thanks for sharing...well done

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

aVriL lAvIgNe

Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
3 posted 2002-05-30 10:47 AM


A challenge well met, and thank you for sharing this...very well expressed


warm regard

Greeneyes~

I would rather have one breath of his hair,
one kiss of his mouth,
one touch of his hand
than an eternity without it.

Mon Cherie
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers
4 posted 2002-05-30 12:04 PM


Dopey_Dope: Thank you!! I seem to write a lot about hope, but I think this is my first time writing something fictional.

xShUgArHiGhx: Thank you!!!! It was actually a response to Greeneyes' challenge to "Be Creative with these". And I chose the picture with a crescent moon and some dark clouds at night.

Greeneyes: Thanks for the compliments! I hope to be challenged again!

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Hope

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary