Teen Poetry #5 |
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Help me |
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Who iis she Junior Member
since 2002-05-14
Posts 41Some where over the rainbow |
My name is jessie i am only but 3 Me i am always sad Daddy comes home he always smells bad My mom always asks how many drinks he has had he walks to her with a bit of care I just stand there, watch and stare He punchs her and Smacks her to a wall He walks to mepushes me on to the floor I hope to god this wont happen any more As mommy lies in a pool of blood i hope that she is sent up above. He hits me so hard i close my eyes and dream about beautiful skys I open my eyes and swint alot i hope my daddy will just stop as i look around i see white lights i am ok now, i put up a good fight I have left the hospital room i will see my mommy real soon. My name is jessie i am only but 3 and tonight my daddy murdered me. Τ׺·. .·º ËriÇ康. .·º×¤Î |
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© Copyright 2002 Erica - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
To be honest I wasn't really liking it at first. Good topic, but I just wasn't liking the rhyming and such very much. However, towards the middle of the poem and definitely the ending I was just like, "wow". High five. My heart goes out to all the 'Jessie's of the world. Cheer up. It could be worse. You could be a lima bean. And I could be eating you. |
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CowgirlFreedom17 Member
since 2002-05-20
Posts 82Mississippi |
Very good write. A taste of true reality about abuse. It's out there more than we like to think. This made my heart ache for the abused ones. Don't hold back the words you really mean. |
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devil_tongue Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 50 |
This reads like I've seen it somewhere before. Anyhow, I didn't really enjoy it all that much. The rhyme scheme felt out of place and the imagery didn't match the flow of the piece. Just a personal opinion nonetheless. |
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Dunphy Member
since 2002-03-14
Posts 82Massachusetts USA |
sad i hope things will turn out alrigh for you pray to the man up stairs he will guid ur way trust me. i enjoyed the read keep them commin. |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
I thought the rhyme scheme felt out of place as well. I liked the topic and how you approached it though. It reminds me of one of my older poems that I my post at a later date. Anyway, great read. ~Susie |
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