Teen Poetry #5 |
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Knights of (my) apocalypse |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
Knights of (my) apocalypse WAR ... is what I'm at I am where it's set but where are the bullets to kill ghosts inside my head FAMINE ... weakens defence I grow numb within lack of special vitamins got bad bones and thin skin PLAGUE ... is what my door says around me you'll all frown I'm spitting blood, keep distance my touch would pull you down to DEATH "Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths |
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© Copyright 2002 dastard - All Rights Reserved | |||
xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
definately dark! i liked it a lot ![]() iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
*tsk* So dark...so...morbid...so... *thinks* I hate thesauruses. Anyways...I really liked the way you ended this...the way the poem dragged you downhill to the ultimate big one. You're a morbid lil guy, aren't you? ^^; Good job all the way around. ^_^ -Leah |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Excellently written, MattheRs ![]() but where are the bullets to kill ghosts inside my head That was by far my favourite part of the entire piece. It jumped out and spoke to me...really, it did. ![]() Now seriously, it's such a dark topic that I worry about you so look after yourself. I WILL email you back a little later but I'm running on less than half an hours sleep for the past 48 hours. Give me time. ![]() ~AF~ I tried to stab my shadow the other day. It's a shame my leg got in the way. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
![]() anyways. i enjoyed this tons. Loved the format and the flow. And the message was very strong. You wrote this well and it made me think. Loved the title too. I'm a 'knight' fan obviously. ![]() I agree with above, i enjoyed those lines as well. But this was my fav lines: ... weakens defence I grow numb within great write. .:TifF:. “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” I know Im not perfect but I can smile & I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (04-20-2002 02:14 PM).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
my touch would pull you down to DEATH" ![]() ![]() ![]() The feeling of Sleepiness when you're not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.-- Edgar Waston Howe |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Matt! ![]() The originality of this piece was also very impressive. I've seen very few written like this, and none even comparing to the power you left the reader at the end. Writing the beginning words of the stanzas in all-caps was a good choice, and fit perfectly... not too much intensity, but not too little. The somberness of the lines scare me a little, also... the eye-widening lines are a jolt to the system. Just adding more power... "but where are the bullets/to kill ghosts inside my head." The issues you touch in this are deep, and is a hard thing to express. You did a wonderful job. The ending was extremely impressive... "I'm spitting blood, keep distance/my touch would pull you down." Very nicely done! This is definitely the best I've seem from you. Impressed, as always, m'dear. I can't wait to talk to you again soon! (Right? ![]() ![]() --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (04-22-2002 03:32 PM).] |
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