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Hill's_Chatabox
Junior Member

since 2001-07-10

Posts 46
USA

0 posted 2001-07-12 01:25 PM

"Some Days"

Are there days when you cry inside?
Are there days when you want to die?
I know how it feels if yo do,
Because I have been there too.

You wonder when life is going to get better,
but it seems as if it's only getting deader.

Is it sometimes hard to let a smile,
when you haven't let out one in a while?
I've been there several times before,
When your heart has chosen to close the door.

Then there's a day when it all will change,
and your life will suddenly rearrange.
You'll realize that you are not so down,
and you can barely let out a frown.

Then maybe those times were not so bad,
Cause now you have someone who makes you glad.
So don't ever let your head down, or the one who makes you not let out a frown,
Because for such a long time you could never frown...

Shoot for the moon cause if you miss you'll still end up in the *stars*!!!

Don't tell me that you love me unless you mean it, Beacuse I might do so

Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

1 posted 2001-07-12 04:18 PM

i liked this poem. good thoughts. keep writing. :o) ~ab~

*~"Sometimes I wish I was a little girl again--because bruised knees heal faster than broken hearts."~*

Words_of_Glitter
Member

since 2000-10-25

Posts 90
USA

2 posted 2001-07-12 05:46 PM

Hey Hill! Just wanted to let you know that I read it! It was cute. I didn't like it nearly as much as the last two! Don't try so hard to rhyme! Sometimes it flows better that way! luv ya!

"Do not marry the one that you can live with. Marry the one you cannot live without."

destiny502
Member

since 1999-11-23

Posts 57
OH

3 posted 2001-07-12 07:49 PM

i have days where its so hard for me to smile and people think im this mean stuck up person because im always frowning. that and im shy.

Love can sometimes be like magic, but magic can sometimes..just be illusion

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-07-12 08:24 PM

i liked the message in this one...written nicely...i enjoyed it

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Hill's_Chatabox
Junior Member

since 2001-07-10

Posts 46
USA

5 posted 2001-07-13 09:49 AM

Words_of_Glitter, thankyou for the advice, I was glad that you were honest with what you thought, I will keep your thoughts in mind.... Love ya!!!

Shoot for the moon cause if you miss you'll still end up in the *stars*!!!

Don't tell me that you love me unless you mean it, Beacuse I might do so

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-07-15 04:49 AM

I liked the poem....the message was nice. I thought you did very well here. I think that the ending was weak though. Having the word frown ryhme with frown in the same stanza, let alone have the word frown ryhme with down in the previous one, isn't a good idea in my mind. It gets a bit repetitive....too many "frowns

" if you know what I mean.
Anyhow, the poem ROCKED, cept for that. VERY EASY to improve, i mean it's just a word

Well done here.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

7 posted 2001-07-15 02:56 PM

great write. if you frown too much people will think your stuck up and a ***** and always angry and never have fun so you never get guys so you never get... whoops.. hahaha sorry i got carried away! *L* so ANYWAY... good message and um yeah to what dopey said *L*

"...And i want to take you down, but your soul could not be found, doesn't matter much you see cause your disease is killing me..." -Saliva

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-07-16 11:14 AM

This was well done. I really liked the flow until the last stanza. The lines were too long, so that messed up the flow a little. Other than that, this poem was well written. Nice work.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

9 posted 2001-07-16 11:23 AM

yy can i relate to this poem!!! It really touched home for me here hun....this is exactly howo i feel all the time and its nice to know your not alone in your feelings. great poem i really enjoyed it

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