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Teen Poetry #5
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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada 
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The ground is so dirty Mud stains the forest floor dripping blood down the thick tree drunk thick, viscous red sap there is a body in the tree the sunset is ominous sounds destrupy the dying calmness there is salt tears dripping down his face his saliva exists no more all is gone the forest swallows the rustling fo his shivers ferns cover the ground animals come out hiding little beasties wallow in the water of the holy burning in the poison of the peach seeps through his veins the eggs of the deformed fill a nest of the sinners the eyes of the watched fill the forest WAKE UP JOESPH it was all a dream running fingers across his body there are leaves in his hair. Regina |
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| © Copyright 2002 Regina Levy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Wow....I'm almost speechless.... I love the wonderful imagery, it was beautiful.... Great Write |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Hey Ina, this was a good write. Not my favorite by you though. The imagery was awesome, but the overall poem kinda lost me. I don't come around much but it's good to see that you are still here. Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Ina- Wow...this is very powerfully written, and with an excellent use of imagery! Very well done!  Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Amazing and powerful and wow!!! You did such an awesome job on this ina!!! Thanks so much for sharing this with us! iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
Wow regina, I'd forgotten how strong your poetry was. Haven't seen your name in here in awhile.. missed reading from you. This was very powerful and emotionally gripped. You always have fantastic imagery. You wrote this very well hun. I especially loved these lines: his saliva exists no more all is gone the forest swallows the rustling fo his shivers Great work hun and come around more eh? We miss you. .:tiff:. “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” I know Im not perfect but I can smile & I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (04-20-2002 02:01 PM).] |
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Who iis she Junior Member
since 2002-05-14
Posts 41Some where over the rainbow |
I am sorry this is so late but i was reading poems and this one is so good a little confussing but great! Τ׺·. .·º ËriÇ康. .·º×¤Î |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Ina, you have always been an excellent writer But, I'm gonna need alittle explanation of the poem from you though thanks...... là où est mon amour? |
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Neosaphire Junior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 20Oklahoma City |
Wonderful imagery, each word is obviously carefully selected, down the most insignificant. The small detail of even the minute words being important tends to be something a lot of people disregard, through habit or ignorance. Your phrasing is a bit confuzing at one point...I say your phrasing because your words convey the meaning well but it's almost halting at times to read it, it doesn't seem to form as complete a picture as such a well scripted poem should. I think it's the part after the line "all is gone" and before the one about the eggs of the deformed that trips up the reader a little bit, it doesn't flow together as well as the rest and I needed to read it a few times before getting the rhythem of it. This is so incredibly well done, awesome, love it! There is so much depth in the poem. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
absolutely awesome imagery |
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cutiepiesugarbabie Member
since 2002-06-07
Posts 110A Cloud In the Sky |
amazing poem-keep writin! |
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