»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
desert plain
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
desert plain |
|
|
dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
*ahem* deserted land waiting thirsty, in pain sheltered by a white cloud dropping poison, acid rain liquid death on lips of the land comfort streaming through a dagger-holding hand furtherly drained the cloud was fading the plain was left damned to a living ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ no comment, as usual... you're free to interpret "Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths |
||
| © Copyright 2002 dastard - All Rights Reserved | |||
punkrockerrobin 
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
kinda dark don't ya think? i am me don't tell me different!! |
||
|
PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Indeed it would, dastard. (your encouragement there). I'd love to have a deep reply here.... but I don't. My mind just isn't working, dammit.  But I enjoyed the piece. Very... Green Day-ish. Find of "hahahaha, laughing at all you in your little cubicles..."  LoL. Poetically, it seemed well written to me. Shot, short lines, etc etc. All put together nicely.~ Titus My motto... always changing, always improving, living life in veiw of eternity. |
||
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Hmm... I honestly don't know what to say to this. I am a rabid horse. |
||
|
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
WOW!!  this was amazing..i loved every bit of it! youre very good at choosing the exact words for this piece. "liquid death"....ooooh i loved that one!  this is such an awesome piece from you custard deary, dont make me wait another six months a'fore i get to see another one  this is one of the best explorations of despair ive read in quite a while...you did an awesome job of it  My england is goodly- are you strudable? |
||
|
LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
I really liked this one....it was very well written... I cant wait to read more... ~Lisa |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow... this is quite impressive. I loved the rhyme scheme you had, and the meter worked well. This was so sad... 'the plain was left/damned to a living.' And almost bitter... 'dropping poison, acid rain.' The tone was interesting, in a way, and the length left enough unsaid to be mysterious. Definitely a though-provoking poem you've construed. You are so very talented, custard! I really liked this. It is more than deserving of a little bump back to the front page  Wonderful work... truly. --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
||
|
Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
I am loving this. Nothing beats a poem that is shorter and makes you think, the flow is great and the wording and way it is written is terrific. Great Work. Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial) |
||
|
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i just can't comment on poetry today, i'm sorry. but i had to tell you, your name reminds me of custard. mmmmmm... custard. ::big grin:: so ot, i know. sorry. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
||
|
dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
Thanks for all of your replies peeps! robin - yep, I think so.. titus - should I listen to more Green Day?  Prolly I should.. *makes note*rhonda - I finally shut you up, huh?! cherish - you can't have read a lot of poetry then lol.. *sigh* I don't share your taste, but nevermind.. I still gotta do that re-read session though lisa - unfortunatelly you'll have to wait a while until there'll be more.. I'm not a frequent writer.. marie - first of all.. *big hugs* secondly, thanks so much, sweety.. you know, that your oppinion is of special importance to me *gives you a "bump" with the butt*voiceless - unfortunately the lenght of it is more a result of lacking creativity  gwen - LMAO.. check teen chat some time.. it's alreay been quite a while since I [or my screen name] have been transformed into custard! *blinks towards Cherish* so don't worry about it.. it's not only you! "Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths |
||
|
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I like this one a lot! Not real shur how to interpret it though cuz im kinda tired, all i know is i liked it and i enjoyed reading it and thats good enough for me iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
