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LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-03-09 12:05 PM

What IF

Late at night when shadows pass
And minds drift to sleep at last
There is one question that does Harass
when I ask myself "What if"

Once in certainty, now in doubt
Questioning myself day in and day out
To these faithful disputes I am devout
when I ask myself "What if"

This burning doubt brings with it tears
This mistrust grows within for years
I long for life lived without fears
when I ask myself "What if"

Memories of days long gone by
That my mind does not dare to deny
Such happy times now gone awry
when I ask myself "What if"

Tonight I’ll lay me down to sleep
Pray the lord my soul to keep
to help my doubt hidden deep
To stop asking "what if"

[This message has been edited by LCBS (03-09-2002 01:10 PM).]

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2002-03-09 01:03 PM

I like what the piece is talking about and the final peace you can get when you close your eyes and sleep.

Parts of the flow were off. Line 3, stanza 3 is really a bit too long to read with the rest of the piece. Maybe read through it again and see. I just know that sections of it are a tad awkward.

~AF~

::Most people never listen::
Ernest Hemingway

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

2 posted 2002-03-09 02:39 PM

Thanks AF, I knew something wasnt right, and truthfully it isnt my favorite poem of mine, but I had to get the feelings out.

One of my friends just came very close to dying and I keep thinking "What if she had...." and it keeps me up many a night.

Thanks for the advice!

~Lisa

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

3 posted 2002-03-09 11:27 PM

Great poem!! clap!

clap! Keep writing..life is always full of fear..just remember there are good and bad thinga in life

~*~Never take anything for granted~*~

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2002-03-10 11:11 PM

Awesome poem LCBS! "what if"...i think its a question that torments us all throughout life. I loved the poem though..nicely done!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

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