Teen Poetry #5 |
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Imperfect |
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Ree Ree Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 56providence, RI |
Bread goes in Toast comes out a toaster's lonely life you called 3 times I wasn't home but no one really cares collect the scattered papers with inkblots that seem like words pronouns: he-she-it then feed his spirit to the birds I'm not who you thought of not the shade of grey hoped for "i'm done with this check please!" she says and walks into the wall Mock life style, she tells him "...just wanted you to know..." but walks away before she's done before she lets love go Invent a breader just for me I want bread back again nickle and dime a moment in time not worth a cent because I spent it only in your lies Not true unfair it meant the world and just around the bend I'll put in toast and bread comes out spread the butter all about death will bring me rest no doubt a sleepy, sky-blue end. |
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© Copyright 2002 maria - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lennon2002 Junior Member
since 2002-01-10
Posts 31The wV |
Rocking Poem! I LOve this lotz! ~Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted.~ John Lennon |
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Cinderelly Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189NM, USA |
I love the rhythm to this poem! Great job . . . Life is a moderately good play w/ a badly written thrid act. - Unknown |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oh this is SO cool. ![]() I love it to bits. It reminds me a lot of Alanis Morissette lyrics. The toaster is a nice analogy of the situation. You wrote about this particular scenario well. Be very proud of this piece. ![]() ~AF~ ::Most people never listen:: |
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Allysa![]() ![]()
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
You've got a great style with this. I absolutely love it. Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself. |
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-Queth- Junior Member
since 2002-02-10
Posts 35Canada |
Wow! This is a strong and subtle piece! I'd have to agree with AnonymousFemale that it does have an Alanis Morissette-type style. The short lines gave it a little more beat and made you want to read it to the end. Congrats on a well written piece! -smile- Q.u.e.t.h. Everything in between. |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
The ryhthm to this poem was absolutely awesome!!! Very nice read!! iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Hi, Im a bit late on the welcome to Pip thing..hehe sorry..*been so busy* anyways I love your style, it's nice to see something different for once ![]() Kristen |
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