Teen Poetry #5 |
![]() ![]() |
oceans creation |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
I have dreamt of creation of how oceans began they were pools of broken spirits rippled by the tears of man They came from girls like me Always trying for "perfection" but waters formed from salty tears showed pain in their reflection They came from the gothic girl the valedictorian, the nerds they came from you top cheerleader they came from pain, from hurt, from words They came from the smartest girl From that girl who was never seen They came from the beautiful girl Icy tears from the Ice queen These tears from different girls salty waters from hurting eyes have filled the world with water seeping out through souls demise Exeryone makes mistake, learn from them and move on, because tomorrow we'll make more... |
||
© Copyright 2002 Lisa Bednarz - All Rights Reserved | |||
gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
Wow...I like this one a lot. Very deep, and sensitive to everyone's emotions...You are SO going on my library list... I give a whole new meaning to the word 'sad.' |
||
xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Wow...loved this Lisa. Interesting thought... mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo" |
||
Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
I really loved this one....very interesting and unique with the idea. I love the title too - fits it perfectly. Excellent job. The day you were born, you were born free |
||
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
liked this one loads too..im fast becoming a fan ![]() Zombie |
||
TigerZ Member
since 2002-01-02
Posts 83Ontario, Canada |
you write such beautiful work...and i always know what your talking again...=) thanks for posting this A life without loveā¦is no life at all. |
||
-Queth- Junior Member
since 2002-02-10
Posts 35Canada |
I thought this was a very fine poem. The meter was good, and the idea is quite original. I've never thought of how oceans might be created; to me, they were always there, but you've added some creativity to the forum, and so I thank you for that. -smile- You've taken something from reality and blended it in with something more surreal (though oceans aren't exactly surreal, they are often used in surrealism) making this poem seem somewhere inbetween two worlds. Very nice. -smiles- I hope to read more from you. This is a great piece! Q.u.e.t.h. Everything in between... [This message has been edited by -Queth- (02-28-2002 11:02 PM).] |
||
C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
Them strong words, LCBS, I think they are excellent ones at that! |
||
C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
Them strong words, LCBS, I think they are excellent ones at that! |
||
PoetryIsLife![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
"You've taken something from reality and blended it in with something more surreal (though oceans aren't exactly surreal, they are often used in surrealism) making this poem seem somewhere inbetween two worlds. Very nice." Honestly, I can't put it much better. ![]() ![]() ~ Titus The One, The Only... The Titus. |
||
dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
very cool one.. I enjoyed it lots! ![]() "Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths |
||
SEA![]() ![]()
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
the flow is great and the idea of the oceans made from tears is a good one.... ![]() |
||
Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
*hugs you* awwww, I love this, I do believe Queth said it best ![]() Kris |
||
Android 17![]() ![]()
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Wow, not only is the title captivating...but the poem is great to match! This is deep beyond normal conception...I really enjoyed this! (Forgive me for my lame choice of words) Beautiful imagery here...I loved it! I didn't have to think very hard, Lol. It just...showed itself to me! Thanks for posting! Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth... |
||
![]() ![]() |
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |