»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
Blind
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
Blind |
|
|
Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
How long have i denied this, laying with you on the floor How long have i denied this, painfully walking out the door How long have i denied this, turning my not looking to this day How long have i denied this, as you slowly slip away How long have i denied this, leaving what's in store How long have i denied this, not wanting it anymore How long have i denied this, with the candles on the floor How long have i denied this, now yearning for what's in store How long have i denied this, as are souls slowly drift apart How long have i denied this, as it slowly takes my hart How long have i denied this, with you sitting by my side How long have i denied this, ignoring what’s inside Thank you for your time :shy: |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Matt - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
hey hey! new member, I see? well, welcome! this one in particular caught me eye, Its been a while since someone had the guts to attempt such a poem with such repetition, and made it work. I liked the ending especially, leaves everything ambiguous, just the style I like! ask anyone here :P C? |
||
|
Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
i'm not a new member in fact i been here even befor you i had other names like litle_krazy_poet and mikeykrazy well anyway i have been wrighting a lot of these kinda of poems just not all of them i can shair with all of you and about the ambiguous ending i wright most of my poems about things that are happening and so the poem can never end because what happens in life has no end Thank you for your time  when you live you die when you die your forgotten when your forgotten you truly die [This message has been edited by Deep_Inside (02-20-2002 02:44 PM).] |
||
xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This poem was really good..your really very good at putting your feelings into words..nicely done mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo" |
||
|
Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I really liked this one. The repitition was good. Its hard not to overdo it, but you did an excellent job here. The only suggestion I can make is to have less stanzas. Instead of "How long have i denied this, with you sitting by my side How long have i denied this, ignoring what’s inside" try "How long have i denied this, with you sitting by my side How long have i denied this, ignoring what’s inside" It might make it a little easier to read or something. But its a great poem. Nicely done! |
||
|
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Very nice poem. I agree with Heaven's Tears. Less stanzas would clean it up alot. Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
