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Teen Poetry #5

Dearest

See me?
Member

since 2002-02-13

Posts 93
UK

0 posted 2002-02-15 05:48 AM

Time can do so much they say
But how long, a week, a month, a year, a day.
Time has passed but the pain is still there
It’s now concealed and not so bare
The longing to be over it the wanting to whole
The need to grip the need for self control
The pain of rejection every time you’re near
Out of loving you I could make a career
The friendship you think we have is not true
The times we hug I hold so tight not letting go of you
Your distinct smell makes me feel safe
But what I do to myself is turning me into a waif
All I want is to be grasped in your arms
That’s where I lie when I can’t reach no harm
As a friend or lover I just need you here
Because I love you and will forever hold you dear.

chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

1 posted 2002-02-15 09:16 PM

great poem, don't mind me saying but the timing you gave in this line does not fit at all "Time can do so much they say
But how long, a week, a month, a year, a day." don't try to hard to rhyme cus. once again.. a great poem

chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

2 posted 2002-02-15 09:17 PM

i didn't give a reason to what i said before.. maybe cus i have no reason, just an opinion

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2002-02-15 11:22 PM

I thought it was very nice, and your emotions came through loud and clear

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2002-02-17 12:27 PM

I definately understand what your saying..you expressed your feelings well

mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo"

See me?
Member

since 2002-02-13

Posts 93
UK

5 posted 2002-02-17 01:14 PM

It's ok Chas i appresiate the help when i wrote the poem i realised the fact that the line was not right but i wasnt sure what to do about it any suggestions welcome? love Clare x

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