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Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2002-02-08 10:58 PM

I sit huddled in my personal void,
Chained to the insecurities of an emotionally destroyed
Individual that seems utterly devoid

Of any chance of recovering
From the injustices that seem to keep on hovering
Over my head, tearing at the covering

That I’ve begun to use as my shield
And to conceal the scars that never really healed
From where scabbed o’er wounds became unsealed.

Rocking back and forth upon the foundations
Of generalized expectations,
Unmet and replaced with infinite complications,

I begin to wonder if there’s any chance
That I might be able to break this sick’ning trance
Of being watched ever askance

By the distrustful progenitors
Of a race of commercialized whores
That seems content to try to lodge their spores

Into the rotting corpse of society
That they may grow with no fear of sobriety
And thrive within their own impropriety.

------------
Bit of a different format than usual. Enjoy.

-Adam

"If life is so significant, then why do we die?"

[This message has been edited by Kosetsu (02-08-2002 11:01 PM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2002-02-09 12:36 PM

Different can be a very nice thing...especially in your situation because this poem was awesome!! I like the different format you tried out..i think it came out very well...nicely done hun!

mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo"

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

2 posted 2002-02-09 05:30 AM

awesome. i love the format of this. you said everything you wanted to say and kept to the format. i love the way you used the rhyme in this too. a job very well done here adamz...proven once again that you are indeed a great poet..

life's not about who wins or loses, or about whos got the better car,or the most money. it's about living,and trying to make the best of what we have.

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

3 posted 2002-02-09 09:39 AM

Whenever I try something different it comes out horrible, you are just great at them all!

Good job, great format, awesome rhyming

~LCBS

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

4 posted 2002-02-09 12:18 PM

M'dear Friend, and again I say you Rock

so this is the final product of what you made me stay up to read:P hehe its all good, I simply adore it and different is good

Don't think otherwise..explore the many different facets, even if it means to go on a sugar binge;p

Love,
Kris

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

5 posted 2002-02-09 08:50 PM

Very nice poem.

Dawn

Devils Angel 666
Member

since 2001-11-30

Posts 71
CT, USA

6 posted 2002-02-10 04:37 PM

Very good poem. Your "new" format worked out great for just trying it out!! Very good poem I liked this one alot.

~Dan

-Queth-
Junior Member

since 2002-02-10

Posts 35
Canada

7 posted 2002-02-10 05:19 PM

-Kosetsu-

The rhyme scheme here is nicely done! Sometimes longer words have a nice sound when they're used in rhyming, if you know what I mean.

{Of any chance of recovering}- you could take out the "Of" in the beginning. It sounds a bit awkward here. If the flow is disturbed because of it, you might have to re-word the first line, but I don't think it should be too much of a problem. Nothing major. -smile-

The vocabulary here is well used and appropriate. Tastefully done. -gets hungry-
Hehe...

Not much else to say, other than the general content was good. Keep it up!

Q.u.e.t.h.

Everything in between...

[This message has been edited by -Queth- (02-10-2002 09:03 PM).]

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

8 posted 2002-02-11 02:03 PM

Dude! You didn't show me this one before you posted it! I feel so unloved!!! YOU *******!!! Lol, naw---this is cool! I like the new format...I've never quite seen anything like it! You never cease to amaze me with your work. Teh---each time I read your work I think you've reached a new plateau...but you surpass it with yet ANOTHER poem! Well done!

Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth...

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

9 posted 2002-02-12 07:25 PM

Wow, very cool! I liked the rhyme, and the rhythym was very well done. I liked the way it just flowed from one stanza to the next without stopping, merely changing the rhyme. Over all, I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks.

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