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matthew
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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matthew |
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sillywilly Junior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 33oklahoma |
So tonight I see you in the real light All beautiful and wrong I thought that what we had was right But boy, I was wrong. You said that you loved me looking in my eyes I said that I loved you back Not knowing that we both lied. Maybe you did love me, maybe I loved you. But from the moment that we saw eachother We should have known that we were doomed. Remember that night, Matthew walking down the street in the dark to meet my heart's true blue desire we met and we saw sparks Intelligence and wit were the key to you and me But you were to leave me too soon And I was to be lonely. You gave me a future, dreams to come true I had to believe them I needed to believe in you. But dreams shatter and futures ignite And the real you eventually shone through. There you stood in the real light one night All beautiful and wrong...but true. Please comment...this is my first poem that I wrote and although alot of my emotions are locked the words i need an unbiased opinion...be brutally honest please!!! |
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| © Copyright 2002 lacey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cutiepiesugarbabie Member
since 2002-06-07
Posts 110A Cloud In the Sky |
sweet poem-romance is a hard hard thing  o*~Everyone makes mistakes-get over them and make more tomorrow!~*o |
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songsoftheaftermath Member
since 2002-06-19
Posts 84a world of disarray |
very nicely done up! i liked the format of the poem- its unique and worked well for the purpose of the poem. the content was a different story though. i was really unclear about what when on in the last stanza(naybe its just me) but the ending was nice...i liked the way you ended it, but it still, as i said, confused me about what you were feeling. sometimes we're quick to allocate the wrong words to the worng feelings...although we would feel something, the words we use arent appropriate enough....i liked that message. good work, i hope to see more of your work posted here soon!   WELCOMEEE could the darkness be my friend? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! First of all, as your forum moderator, I'd like to welcome you to Passions for Poetry. It's great to see you decide to join us in this beautiful place of Poetry and Prose. I hope you do enjoy this place as much as we do and I hope you do feel at home. If you have any questions regarding PIP, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. That's what I am here for as your moderator. Again, welcome and happy posting and reading.  Secondly, I already notice that you'll be a great addition to this forum. You show a lot of emotion in your writing even though you say you bottle them up in you. I hope to see more of your work in the future. Thanks for the beautiful read. keep em coming ps. pls check your email là où est mon amour? |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Welcome!!! Glad to see you around. New members are fun to have. I encourage you to read around: reading other's poetry, especially some of the brilliant writers around here, can't help but improve our own. You kept a good flow to your story... being able to have a start, finish, and ending are key to keeping a reader involved. And, as Acire said, your emotion was evident. Poetry isn't worth writing if it isn't true to you and your emotions. Well done! Sincerely, Titus As I'm out there, walking, searching, for myself, for you.... won't you join me? Let's walk this journey together. |
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