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PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

0 posted 2002-01-31 03:31 PM

All moments in time,
you walk the line
between neccesity and animosity.
What is your curiosity?

This life, that life...
Do you find joy in strife?
What do moments mean?
My sanity's hold now lean.

How does one find joy?
What is life's ploy?
What really matters?
Such peach easily shatters.

Love me for me.
Come with me up this tree;
confused I sit,
waiting for moment's hit.

Grab hold off
each moment love,
see it's signifigance.
Then, right after that instance...

Fill me in.
Peace seeminly a sin.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2002-01-31 04:37 PM

Great poem Ti!!! Nicely written

BoOsH bOoSh nApoLE

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-01-31 05:25 PM

Are you writing about me again?!? Just kidding, my dear. (Pukka???) Excellent write as usual... I enjoyed it very muchly!

Donate to Rhonda's Crossing the Atlantic Fund!!!

Jenabou
Member

since 2000-06-13

Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA

3 posted 2002-01-31 05:52 PM

wonderful piece! very well expressed

*for someone who's used to heartache,losing it all was just a matter of time*
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

4 posted 2002-01-31 11:17 PM

Great poem . . . I especially liked the stanza:

All moments in time,
you walk the line
between neccesity and animosity.
What is your curiosity?

Good job!

Life is a moderately good play w/ a badly written thrid act. - Unknown

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

5 posted 2002-02-01 04:12 AM

great poem hun i liked it. i wissh i could write as well as you. love ya1
robin

i am me don't tell me different!!
JEFF IS ONE HOT STUD *RAWR*
i want him DROOLZ*

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

6 posted 2002-02-01 05:05 AM

I thought this was really good, I especially liked the last part...if you took out the VERY last line, I think it would end with a wicked cool hit!

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

7 posted 2002-02-01 07:44 AM

awwwwww...danniti...youre going to hate me after this. but i must warn you in in a VERY Bitter mood( see its even got a sinister looking capital in front of it ).

of the contents; i think that overall you're thoughts were running all over the place like a bunch of monkeys in a snake enclosure. (the "up this tree" line made me think of the monkeys.) too many questions make the reader think too much too quickly before getting to the end. when you want to insert a question ask yourself if it really adds to the response you want from the audience. i know you were trying to get it to fit in with your rigid structure but it took away from the poem more then it gave. make sense?
i liked the demands of the poems though..."love me for me" and " grab hold of /each moment" ( it's 'of' isnt it?

)...they asserted the poets authority perfectly

and the ending was quite nicely done!

the rhyme...*sigh* i know that *i* aint the best poet at rhyming...goodness knows who first thought of trying to get words to sound melodic...but this is where you got the most gutteral grunts and sympathetic "aww"s from me. maybe youre trying too hard when you start to "mean" with "lean"...i felt like roaring "fighting machine!!" straight after! at times your sentence didnt make sense due to the wicked rhyme(stz:3&4)...i thought that the flow was a bit off the mark as well with the aabb rhyme too...but thats just me.

i liked the poem...dont think i didnt i just thought i might help you out with a few things is all.

eyes...........feeel...D
rooop
Y
..zzzzz...

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

8 posted 2002-02-01 04:21 PM

Thank you everyone! You all mean quite much to me!

Your comments are always fun to read.

Cherry!

Thank's for your critique. I have to agree, even before I wrote this one, I knew it wasn't going to be one of my best. Right now, a lot of poetry is pouring out of me, some above average (That Typical Wall) and some just okay, such as this one, and others (A Murderous brew). Again, thanks for your thoughts. I'll take 'em into consideration. Much love!

Sincerely,
Titus

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. And inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

9 posted 2002-02-01 05:59 PM

Titus-dude! ^_^

This was really a reflective poem, in ways that make the reader think a little as well. There are some questions in this world that can't be, or take time to answer. Bah. *grumble~~* I WANT TO KNOW ALL!!! ^_^ Power to me.

Anywho, the last line was really effective. I enjoyed that most. ^_^ A really great write, T. ^_^ Keep it up!

-Li

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

10 posted 2002-02-02 06:38 PM

Thanks Leah

Titus

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. And inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx

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