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Teen Poetry #5

Queen of Ice

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

0 posted 2002-01-23 04:00 AM

So many sleepless nights
Lying in the snow
Moving my toes
Lifting my fingers
Looking up at the sky
Snow is falling upon me
Snow is burying me
It gets so (edited) cold
Don’t know if I’m mad, sad or happy
And I believe its ice cold water
Running through my veins
They were right
I’m the queen of ice
High priestess of cold
A prisoner in snow
Yet I will exist forever
Constantly alive
Waiting for another day

Well I've got snow between my eyelashes
Smiling faintly

I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you?

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (01-27-2002 09:49 PM).]

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

1 posted 2002-01-23 06:15 PM

critique,
leave out the profanity, you
don't need it in the poem, your
words are crying to come out,
let them.
Dig deep for words that are in there,
I feel they are. (hope I'm not stepping on
toes here)

This is something I wish to God
I had written as a teenager,
but then I didn't write as
a teenager because everything
I wrote was destroyed.

Keep writing.

Kathleen--(Kay)
A true friend does not love you for who you are, but in spite of who you are." -- Caroline Tran

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-01-24 04:52 PM

Wow this was written great....i really enjoyed it..it had a lot of feeling in it...good job hun

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2002-01-27 09:48 PM

WOW.. you even got a reply from Kathleen!

This was very well written... but as IR said, profanity isn't needed to get your point across. Words are powerful either way..

Very well done

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

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