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zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

0 posted 2002-01-18 04:51 PM

he is different
no longer the same
he was my kindred
for no one to tame

but now
now is another place
now is different
his eyes has turned blue

our time
has passed
what we used to be
we're no longer
all those secret rooms
all those hidden keys
our shattered dreams

(they are gone)

so we'll bid farewell
to this part
the unspoken words
is in here somewhere

changes has been made
epokes lost

his eyes
his eyes has turned blue

--- hello *waves* My first post in quite a while... Yet this must me my worst poem in quite a while, too.. heh

-----

I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you?

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

1 posted 2002-01-18 07:29 PM

Hey,
I liked it and I know what you
mean which made it all the better.
But yeah anyway, the only critique I have
to make is, have changed in the title
instead of has changed. Sorry one of my
friends is like the grammar queen of the world,
and so now I mention all those things. Good
job though!

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-01-18 10:50 PM

Im happy to see y ou posting again!I like the amount of feeling you put into this and you did a good job showing how things can change...well done!

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

3 posted 2002-01-18 10:53 PM

In no way is this a bad poem. I think it's wonderful. All the feeling you put in it seems to seap out the screen and into me....that sounded strange, but it's good non the less!!

---Night Angel

Mon Cherie

Senior Member

since 2001-10-31

Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers

4 posted 2002-01-19 12:33 PM

I think this was very well written!

our time
has passed
what we used to be
we're no longer
all those secret rooms
all those hidden keys
our shattered dreams

Yes... Don't you think that the way to end a relationship quickly is to keep secrets?

Coz for a relationship to work, there must be trust. What trust is there when everything has to be kept a secret? Then where comes the relationship?

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2002-01-19 05:27 PM

The worst? Far from it!
I really liked this. It was well-written, but very sad. I hope all is well...

I look forward to seeing more

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

6 posted 2002-01-20 02:06 AM

~zarina~
hey...why do you say "the worst" i have yet to read a bad piece from you. this one was interesting, yet sad. i like how you say "his eyes have turned blue" it can be interpretted in many ways though, so i was kind of wondering what exactly you meant by that. blue like ice? anywayz...great poem. i love reading your work.
-bergundy-

maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio-

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

7 posted 2002-01-23 04:17 AM

thank you for replying

I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you?

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