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Teen Poetry #5
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Crooked Halos
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Crooked Halos |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
And broken wings upon their backs, Tattered sheets adorn their beds, And dirtied rags fill the cracks. Splashed with mud upon their brows, With chilling coals to warm their feet, Now forgetting unfilled vows, They search in vain for food to eat. Walking barefoot over glass, Dressed in naught but dirt and rags, The younger finds her doll at last, A sickly leg she slowly drags. The elder sits off all alone, Playing with her dirty hair, Who’d believe that hair once shone When surrounded by this mad despair? The little one picks up a boot, And tries to take a bite, Such an action might be cute, Were she not in such a plight. Behind them lies a ruined house, Never quite a home, Though the flames they tried to douse, They couldn’t win alone. The elder gives a quiet sigh, And wipes away a tear, The younger soon begins to cry, When her sister pulls her near. She curls into her sister’s embrace, And gives a sobbing yawn, She looks up, a question on her face, “Where has Mommy gone?” ---------------- Turned out longer than I thought it would...but I guess it will do. -Adam "I like pigs. Dogs look up at us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill |
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| © Copyright 2002 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lennon2002 Junior Member
since 2002-01-10
Posts 31The wV |
I Liked this one alot. Sux the way some people are made to live.... What would you say if I said to you, it's not in what you say, it's in what you do? |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
WOW |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
Wow... in my interpretation, I think this is a really emotional poem. In a way, you tried to tell us that the children were angelic, yet they were very quickly getting disillusioned and cynical, what with the crooked halos and broken wings. WELL DONE!!!!!  _,,,^.^,,,_ |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wonderful work, Adam! This is fantastic... I love the story line, and the rhyme scheme really made it a fantastic read. Very nicely done! I'm impressed, and enjoyed it muchos  Hope to see more soon... --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no should ever feel this alone. |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Sad..sad indeed..but nontheless it was good..sorry not much in critiquing today..but when am I ever!? Kristen [This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (01-21-2002 05:19 PM).] |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
These are wonderful poems of yours. Now---riddle me this...where do you get the inspirations for them? Now THAT'D be cool to know! "Snake, always remember that your mind if your most dangerous weapon. If things get too complicated---simplify your thoughts! |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Woo....where do I get the inspiration? My own depression....graveyards....graveyards are very good for inspiration, by the way. Most of it comes from my own ponderings....I just see so many people telling themselves that the world is such a perfect place and that their lives are so great, and when it isn't so great, they fool themselves into thinking that it always gets better. Maybe for some it does....but for some people, it doesn't get better. In case you haven't noticed, sorrow is starting to become on of my favorite of emotions. You can just see so much more in the face of someone who is saddened....you can see so much deeper into their soul, into their secret insecurities that they don't want anyone to know about. It's also a bit of a gateway emotion. You can't truly know if you love someone unless you've felt the sorrow of having lost them. Sadness just has it's own sort of inner beauty, I guess... -Adam "If life is so significant, then why do we die?" |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
My poems tend to turn out longer then i thought they would too..i actually read this before and forgot to reply and then just read your 3rd series...really enjoy these..hope they keep comin! yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows |
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Zukene_Chic Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152Cali |
*sobs* Oh, my goodness!!! That is SO sad! I would hate it, were it not as beautiful as depressing... |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Oh Adam you're just too depressing hun.. great write, I love the idea and the rhythm is great, as well as the rhyme. You did a good job! Now off to read the rest of the series... super hugs Ali Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. J'ai t'adore. Je t'aime. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
I HATE YOU!!!  ....woo-ish work adamz...i really REALLY love this. youre awesome....what more can i say? ...and the thing about series is that your name begins to occupy the top possies for a while  .....again i loved this. eyes...........feeel...D |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
I would love to be able to write like you...all I can say is WOW! LCBS I was drowning in my own tears, until you threw me a life preserver |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
The title alone caught my eye and gave you my full attention...The poem...gripping, absolutely gripping. Share Jesa, Stroke Jesa, Pet Jesa, Love Jesa. |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
 wow. I mean woooowwwww.I give a whole new meaning to the word 'sad.' |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
Amazing...really tugged at the heart strings. I really don't know what else to say so I'll go with everyone else on the WOW thing. The day you were born, you were born free |
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